2002-10-23 - 11:59 a.m.
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The Toilet Shitter
"V is for Vumpler!"
I just almost got into the funniest fight probably ever in documented history.
I came through the Point, the cafeteria here in Plattsturd, ready to buy food, but instead I felt the need to piss in the urinals here, because honestly where else can you technically piss on the wall and get away with it? Nowhere friend, unless you're a communist. Well, it appears someone had the same idea as me a little before I got there, only replace "pissing on the walls" with "filling the bowl so full of shit that eyes water and children cry and leaving it for everyone to see like an asshole". The worst part about this? I saw the kid leaving the scene of the crime.
So, as I gagged and coughed, half-drowning in my own disgust at someone who would deuce the bowl and leave, I quickly lost all interest in getting food and instead wanted to write a diary entry on how much I hate people shitting the bowl and leaving it.
If only that were the end of the story.
I go the main computer lab, which is a huge wasteland of people snickering to IMs or images from online, people ripping hair out as they try to type and cry at the same time, obvious porno freaks and hot girls trying to find out online if they failed a mid-term they know in their heart of hearts they got well over a 90 on and are simply astounded that the results couldn't be posted a mere 15 minutes after they handed it in. Well, it appears toilet shitter need the internet too, possibly to network with other toilet shitters in an attempt to shit every toilet in the world at once, flushing at one time, and causing the pipes in the ceptic systems everywhere to explode with shit, spraying it all over the place.
I'M ON TO YOU, YOU SICK FUCKERS!
Anyway, the toilet shitter was sitting there, checking his email at [email protected] when I felt like letting him know, hey, you shit the bowl. So I walked up to him and said...
Apparently, toilet shitters have a hidden quirk about them. They don't mind leaving a huge steaming pile of shit for you to find later, slightly decomposed and completely disgusting, but when you let them know that you knew they did it, they no longer want to claim ownershit, as it were.
"Oh nothing, just that you shit the toilet over there and it smelled."
Granted, I was giving him a hard time, because you cannot deal with someone who giggles as he shits the toilet and leaves it for someone to find (or so I'd like to believe). Even sans giggles, shit in the toilet gives the message loud and clear: I sat here, there's the proof. Now you sit here. And you deal with my shit.
Well, he kind of got up a little bit to confront me and I just kind of walked away, because if this guy is going to shit the toilet, he probably didn't wash his hands either and wow don't I NOT want that happening. No shit hands. I refuse to fight shit hands. People who scratch themselves in every crevice minus thier buttcrack and shake hands are still more attractive to me than someone pulling up a stinkfist to beat me down with. Plus, I was in the computer lab. AS much as I hate this place, for me to get barred from the computer lab because someone can't shit properly seemed so foolish to me that I left that lab, went to another one and here I am.
Writing it all down.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
