2002-10-29 - 12:39 p.m.
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guh
My life is like an overflowing toilet: full of shit and too messy for its own good.
In all seriousness, things have been going so crazy and random for me that I refuse to believe someone isn't doing this on purpose. How in the hell can someone (me) sustain so much fucking horseshit and have it all be coincidental? I don't even want to get into it, but I am typing in a dicky computer room, watching a kid who thinks no one can see him pick his nose and sneak the contents into his mouth and I'm doing all this with ink all over my hands because ball point pens are the devil.
I may be a writer, but shit I don't have to love the tools of the trade. How many doctors do you see hugging scalpels?
In all actuallity, this is a plea to the asshole who has put me on permanent Candid Camera. Any time, dick head. Any time you feel is necessary to jump out from behind that tree and let me know the past few days were a stinking pile of comedy and I'll die a happy man.
And while we're on the topic of stinking piles, I've come to the conclusion that this school bullshit here, yeah, it's worthless. I slowly see myself already knowing everything the teacher is going to teach me, in some cases doing things he's never seen. I've actually stunned some of my teachers with work...
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I'm not trying to jerk myself off here. I swear to God if I had a dollar for every time a teacher has told me that they found my work to be very good, like the kind of very good they envy, then I'd have enough to at least buy a Grande Meal from Taco Bell, the one with the crazy amount of tacos and nachos, enough to kill a man. By the way, I had tacos for breakfast. HI MOM!
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But then again they could all just be blowing hot air up my ass and just go "Well, he is good, but he's no (Insert name of star student whose sole goal in life is to get nothing short of an A in that class and hasn't slept in years to do so for every class since 'Coloring in the Lines' in Pre-k)."
In the end of it all, I find that this is all making me very cocky and reading back over what I just read, I actually said "God damn that's cocky" so loud, I think I made the booger kid scratch his brain.
Yep, that's blood streaming from his nostrils. Maybe that will teach him to keep the digits from mining for nose nuggets in plain view. AND STOP EATING MUCUS!
Anyway, what this all is about is that I'm supremely unhappy today, possibly in the middle of one of those "supremely unhappy" spells that happens when everything in your world is going PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT! I seriously am so upset with my choices as a person, picking nothing but horseshit and shying away from true gold. I'm even so lazy about it that I don't do anything to help, because I can't really see anything doing much good. Anything. Even a job wouldn't help, because that means that I get to hear another bunch of people yelling at me or demanding me do things. All I want to do is write, all I want to do is go out and look at everything. See everything I can, write about all of it, and do my best to at least make everyone else here enjoy themselves, even if I am not. As a matter of fact, that's been my fucking crusade for a long time, even since Lowell times. I always have tried my best to at least leave everyone entertained, but lately I can't even seem to do that right. Nothing seems in order; everything seems odd and out of wack.
After this weekend, I've certainly changed my mind on a lot of things I looked over before or didn't pay much mind to and now I see that I've been avoiding so much about life, all the horseshit hassle that gets strapped to your back when you're legally allowed to have it put there, and now I'm tired of it. Now I've been shown that I'm being dragged to my death slowly, like quicksand, by the grip of sheer responsibility and now I realize any speck of childhood that once was in me is fucking gone. It's simply just gone. Give me a few months, I'll be out of school and then what? Forced to be crushed under the wheel of the corporate world.
Fuck all that shit.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
