2002-04-20 - 2:26 a.m.
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I jumped off a roof.
I never understand you, and I probably never will
I just never get you, and I probably never will
A new day means a new you
and puzzles are only fun when you can solve them
And I've sat and turned side
I've turned side and side just to figure it out
Up became down and left gave way to right
If only what was left always seemed right
Images always twist and colors appear and fade
Up became down and right gave way and left
Mind games and misplays and turns all along the way
It's never right, it's all that's left
And now it's just another day
Another day, another you
I never get you and I never will
As much as right will ever change
I never get you, I never will.
-from the soon to be published Belmo from Ring Infinite
I've tasted the finest wines of love in my life and I've been drunk on them. It's an infatuation to be infatuated. And I think that even as time goes on in your life, you still don't lose the sense that you want to go to bed holding someone.
Yeah, well, that's nice in theory and all, but when the shit hits the fan, things don't always turn out right.
Lil' Belmo was supposed to come visit this weekend and I couldn't take her with me on my vacation tomorrow. I'm sorry Liz, but I can't fix your situation. I love you but you have to solve your worries now because even though I can pick you up now, in a year I'll be done with this shit and I'll have left it all behind for the great old rat race. I'll be old.
I'm even more alone now than I think I've been in a while. I'm reading "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley and I can relate fully to a character for the first time in my life: Bernard, the outcast, struggling with his greatness and understanding the hollow escape the life he has to lead bares on his soul. I feel outside of any form of normal. I don't sit in my skin well.
fucking can't believe I still write here. I've stopped caring about people knowing what's wrong. So used to just furiously scribbling the words I need to save me. I write what I want to see said and what I want to be. Period.
I'm tired of being upset and patiently waiting.
I'm tired of waiting.
I'm fucking gone.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
