2001-04-30 - 12:42 a.m.
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Bored and Upset
Ever since I could ever remember being able to use my emotions, I have found them to be my biggest enemy. I could never get them under control and I usually act rash and without bounds because of them. I find holding back to be the same as failing myself.
But at the same time, I also feel that people that can't express thier emotions are just as worse off as me. Not able to share what they want to say, not doing what they really feel...I pity these people. I don't think I'm a better person because I can express myself, but I consider my enemy a lesser of two evils.
I also don't like feeling as though things are wrong when they are fine. That is always something I am afraid I am doing, and I do it toooooooo often. I really can't explain it, so I wont try. Oh well.
I started writing poetry again. It's been soo long since I have sat down and written anything personal, besides diaries. But diaries don't count because they are really nothing more than reminders of what you were doing that day. Nahh poetry is much more than just a memory caught on paper.
I'm gonna be a bassist for a Green Day cover band. Comedy reveals itself in oh so many ways. I think this will be a fun trip.
I just remembered another thing I hate. I hate inspiring people to do the wrong thing. That is my biggest fear; like if I give someone personal advice and they go out and hurt themselves. I feel responsible, almost as if I was the one who did it. Instigation is a serious Belmo crime I guess (and somehow being a complete asshole isn't...go figure).
I'm going to go to sleep the only way that complete despair could create and maintain. And maybe think about the crimes I have commited.
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
