2004-07-13 - 1:50 p.m.
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Yours for the low low price of loyalty and love
Here's a life lesson and you can take this one to the bank.
"You will fall flat on your face one day."
One of these days, you are going to crash and crash hard. You won't even see it coming. In fact, I'm betting the reason it came was that you didn't see it coming. You'll be juggling this ball, that ball, 2 balls at once, 10 at a time. You'll miss dates, miss times, miss people. It's all destined to happen. Even the best of us, even the very best, they're going to fall on their face.
You will hurt the ones you love. I have. You will neglect the people who love you. I have. You will trample on the souls and hearts of every person whose soul and heart beats for you.
I've already done it.
There is precious little you can do about it. You can schedule things, you can organize and vilify yourself. You can set yourself up and get everything in a line so that it goes off without a hitch.
And you will still fail.
I've been too shaky lately. I've been running and running with no stopping, balencing my time between interests as much as those interests will allow. I've stopped writing as much (not completely but as much) as I did before but I'm playing music all over the place, everyday another day of music, another day to be in a band and it's fantastic.
And then there's you. I miss you and I have no time to do so, not even a moment's glimpse at thinking about it.
I'm too busy being busy to even enjoy the wonders and the glory of the world, the shining beacon of life, the wonderful embrace of everything. I want to see everyone I've ever known, but I know that I would pay the price for it. I see my band, I leave my family. I see my family, I leave my friends. I see my friends, I leave my band. There are 3 worlds colliding and in the end, I ignore the 4th one altogether - my own time.
I haven't hung out with me in ages.
I haven't cleaned my room in ages, haven't gotten my bass fixed up, haven't enjoyed the countless hours of entertainment I've downloaded or been able to read one of the three books I'm currently reading (Demian by Herman Hesse, Stupid White Men by Michael Moore and On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Simultaneously. I'm essentially reading about an angry liberal trying to battle his homosexual urges as he treks across the country, if you combine all three of those into one. You know, that doesn't make for bad literature....)
So in short, I'm a complete fucking mess and I'm waiting for someone to come along and make me want to clean myself up.
Any takers?
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
