2003-06-09 - 9:38 p.m.
*
*
*
Old Vs. New
"You have to bust your balls to bust a nut" - Belmo to Cooke
So my family came from all stretches of New York state yesterday to rock hard for me graduating. It was fun to see everyone again, the last time this happened being my birthday party, which I came late to (yes, I came late to MY party). This time, I was in a suit, which may as well have been a tuxedo because I rarely ever dress up ever. I felt it would be of good taste to show up as dressed up as possible so that it might look like I knew what I was doing getting out of school.
Apparently, I have no idea.
It took all of 24 hours to have my mom go from beaming to steaming. She got pissed off I dared to spend a day with Erin (not because of Erin so much as because I broke my own plans, plans which I made and pertain only to my well-being).
This isn't about my mom though, or my girlfriend. In fact, both of them sat and talked for a while yesterday while I talked computer shit with Mehr outside, so I'm sure since neither one swung at each other and I havent hearda nasty comment about either one from either one, it's all good.
What this is about though is that I'm tired of being manipulated by people. I'm tired of giving in to people's problems and conflicts, tired of hearing crying and carrying on, expecting me to feel upset. When I sent Erin home after my mom interrupted us spending time together, I didnt even look my mom in the face when I sat there and scarfed down my food. I let her think she won or whatever she was trying to do by "getting pissed off at me" and basically looked the other way.
I didn't turn the other cheek, I just turned away.
And that's because I'm tired. Just simply tired of people expecting more from me than I ever expect from them. Especialy that woman. I never asked her for a party yesterday, nor did I ask her to remind me about the city today, nor did I ask her for anything whatsoever in the past few days. But she does things for me and she expects things from me, without really asking if its ok or if I want to do it. And when I decide to do things of my own idea, such as enjoy a day in the sun with someone I love, I am a villan, I am a low down slime. I am someone to be "disappointed in".
How can you move from awesome to shit because you did something like go outside and NOT play video games or stay indoors all day?
So I cut these strings right now. I cut these puppet strings she thinks are there because she helped with college. She did not buy a whore or a slave. She did not buy a toy or a plaything. My choices are not her little battles. So yeah, I'm a liar too. This IS about her, but not Erin. This is about her being absolutely horrible and wanting to make me horrible. I asked her the other day if she hated her job and she flat out told me no, yet she comes home in the worst moods I've ever seen her in (and I've put her in some bad ones befoer) and still this hypocracy lives on. This denial that she can hate what she does, possibly because if she ever came to grips with it, she'd leave. She has a great job, it just sucks a dick because it's constantly giving her shit, shit that richochets off of it's target and lands on our house.
Go away, angry mom; die and bring back the old mom while you're out.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
