2003-06-06 - 12:24 p.m.

***

Limbo

So it's been a hell of a week.

Boston doesn't want me for the job and I failed the proofreading test for the agency, so both of those options are looking dismal. I haven't heard anything back from any other resume I've sent out and now I'm starting to panic.

Job world aside, I did get to go to Plattsburgh and see everyone again, which kicked ass. I don't think I was sober the entire time and there was always something to do. And my stuff looks nice in other people's apartments.

I also got to see Scott, my ex-landlord. He screwed me over for so much money it made my head spin, until I realized he could have screwed me over for way more and I kind of shut up.

I don't really want to talk right now about everything because everything I left Lynbrook thinking about on Sunday has been reversed when I came home yesterday. I'm no closer to a job. I'm still very poor. The only thing I have that's better is that Erin is home, but even then she seems upset that she's home, like she failed and now has to be home. It doesn't look good, mang. Things seem to do that to me, where they'll look perfect and promising for a while and it brings me up, brings me right up. I feel good and I am happy with myself for once and then as soon as I start to feel like I'm in control of the situation, BLAOW! it shits on my head. I don't even know what to do anymore, don't know my direction. Don't know what to make of all this calamity, all this happy horseshit. I've got precious little in terms of happiness these days and I find it being taken from me from all angles. From the security blanket of being a student being ripped from me to this pointless and endless job search, I'm in some kind of limbo right now and I don't know which way is up or where the exit is.

So I guess that means it's GTA time.

BMC

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