2002-03-21 - 7:42 a.m.
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The Fifth Resident Evil Inc.
So what do you get when you download Resident Evil off of Kazaa?
You get Monsters Inc.
Now granted, Monsters Inc. IS evil. It is evil incarnate. If there was a tangible thing that best portrayed evil, it would be Monsters Inc.
I'm tired of computer animation movies, ever since Jurassic Park II. I bet Ice Age is going to suck hairy balls and choke on them.
I've found this today to be the defining moment for the internet. I have never seen Monsters Inc. (well, until now) but as soon as I saw the Disney logo come up when I opened the file...
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actually, 15 minutes after I opened the file, because whatever dork ass "crew" that found a copy of this decided to advertise for thier online collective. It seems like someone can't wait to tell you what they've done when they do it. "RRRROAWR! YOU'RE WATCHING A MOVIE THAT THE ULTRA HACKMOVIESFORLIFE CREW GOT! BE SCARED OF US! VCD'S MAKE US GODS! This is of course told through silly Flash animation and usually Limp Bizkit or Matrix soundtrack songs, and has usually more entertaining value than most of the movies they 'rip'. I just hope they would all R.I.P. instead of ripping so much...
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...I knew it wasn't going to be Resident Evil. Something about Milla Jovovich jumping off walls and booting mutant dogs in the head, while also shooting zombies doesn't sound like a Disney movie.
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Although Disney DID make "Blank Check" so they're no strangers to horror movies. Wait, I mean horrible movies. Doesn't matter; works both ways. Resident Evil is gonna suck, no matter what the critics tell you. After all, they gave Not Another Teen Movie like 2-3 stars, where I would have created a new system SOLELY for that movie just so it could be rated (or be berated).
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This is defining of the internet solely on the fact that you can't find what you want EVER and when you do, it's so cluttered in between pop-up ads that you can't get to it. Kazaa makes like 15 pop up ads pop up in a matter of a mouse click, grinding my already shitty computer to a complete halt. And what's worse is, none of the ads are even important. I won about 120 contests yesterday just looking for some Strokes songs to listen to.
Wait, it just dawned on me that Milla Jovovich was the Fifth Element in...the Fifth Element. Oh Milla, what next. 3rd hooker on the left in some shitty cop movie?
I'm looking for Mike Marona online, from Pete and Pete and Slackers, so that I can ask if he'd talk to our magazine. Will he if I ever DO find him? Almost definitely not. He's getting pretty big soon, I can see it. He was funny in Pete and Pete, hell even in the Home Alone movies. I still say to people "You're such a disease, Kevin".
Yup, that was him. He's never going to agree to this.
But hey, if I was put off by people rejecting me...no, that's not going to a good direction.
I guess I'm just used to rejection, even before it happens.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
