2001-12-18 - 6:21 p.m.
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Ludabelmo
-A conversation with my mother about her imaginary word "zick" and it being added to the English language if she was so inclined
I am now declaring the Ludacris song "Rollout" as my official anthem for the time being.
As per recent events and conversations, I have decided to become intentionally single. I think I likened it last night to being like Kwai Chang Caine from the TV show "Kung Fu", to forever roam the earth by himself (or until I find someone that wont make me fucking insane). As I recall, I rationalized it by remembering that my hand will never leave me (unless I walk too close to a table saw or something).
This is pretty easy for me, seeing as I haven't really had too much luck lately or even ever for that matter. I've always become a miserable wreck from love and I'm done with it for now. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a mother fuck or a daddy fuck or any of the little baby fucks. Screw love in the fucking belly button.
Who's yo house keeper and what do you keep in yo house?"
So I worked again today, but not like yesterday. I started off the same way: sitting behind the misery desk with the monotonous hum of florescent death perkolating in my ear. But this time, I said "gofuckyourself" to Z100 and put on the only form of radio I will ever listen to sanely.
The internet.
God bless the internet's everready Real Audio and Windows Media streaming godliness. And also god bless car fires, because that was the sole reason Paul was about an hour late to work, letting me enjoy Punk radio all over the place.
Score: Internet - 1 / Z100 - negative eleventy billion
Although the internet isnt without it's gofuckyourself either. Even though I heard Statue of Liberty by the Descendants and Gonna Find You by Op Ivy back to back(I think that's the name, I haven't gotten around to having enough free time to memorize Op Ivy song names. Descendants yes, Op Ivy no), they both got all fucked in the ass because of rebuffering. Rebuffering is Satan's last great hope at making Internet radio almost perfect instead of perfect. You bastard.
And another non-satanic shitball is that lately I've found that the internet lately is being fucking pillaged by assholes who want nothing more than to gizz thier pop up windows on everyone's webpage. I went to AOL last night and 3 windows popped up, slowing my computer to a whatthefuck. STOP PUTTING POP UPS ON WEBPAGES! If I wanted to see co-ed naked sluts fondling each other and blowing goats or buy a piece of shit web cam, I sure as shit wouldn't need a fucking pop up ad to sway my mind towards your money. And for the last time, cram that free fucking prize I keep winning for no apparent reason directly up your fucking ass.
"Get out my bidnis, ma bidnas. Get out my fuckin biznas!"
But internet and carfires aside, I didn't have to do the office job today. Oh no. I got saved because I ended up doing work I actually enjoy.
Warehouse work.
The company I'm helping had like a bajillion packages to ship out, but they had to be giftwrapped and then packaged and then shipped out.
Wait a second... fuck me. I left my bottle opener in 503 this weekend, taped to the wall. FUCK! This motherfucking beer isn't going to pry its way out and hop in my fucking stomach! FUCK! Oh well, I'll just have to smash the top and drink from a jagged bottle.
Anyway, I went over to the warehouse and immediately I noticed a big difference. First off, there's no desk. You don't need a desk when you're lifting things. Next, it's actually physical work. I don't sit there all day and fuck around on a computer or file shit. This box goes in this box. Done. Now move this pile here. Done. Third, you can talk all the shit you want. I had conversations that would kill the pope today.
By the way, a cathedral in New York caught on fire. Maybe people will think it's a terrorist attack. Also, jagged glass makes beer taste like blood.
Another interesting thing is Hot 97. That's all that got played today, and it was fanfuckingtastic. Not only that, but it made me feel good to hear rap on the radio instead of Pink and I heard Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing To Fuck Wit' edited today.
That's the last thing: cursing. I fucking love being able to fucking curse at fucking wofuckingrk.
Ok, that was a bit much.
A weird part about it though was there was this one part where some random guy, who I guessed didn't work there since I didn't see him after, stood right next to me and watched every little thing I did as I wrapped stupid people's presents...
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Ok, let me just tell you what the fuck I did today because it deems explaination. My mother works for Horizon Foods, which is a food distribution company. They have the best fucking food ever and if you ever see them in your neighborhood selling door to door or you go to thier webpage, get anything. It's all amazing, and I know this because I've eaten damn near everything they have to offer, even stuff they were thinking of offering and didn't. Since it's christmas time, and they're probably the most generous company I know of, they GIFTWRAPPED any order and stuck it in this kick ass styrofoam cooler (that I want one of because they fucking rule). I had to tape up the cooler (to guarantee that after we packed it, no motherfucker screwed around with it if the tape was in pristine condition. Those smart bastards.) then I had to wrap around it, put a Horizon sticker on, put a bow on, put it into a box filled with all sorts of goodies (again, generous people) and then tape it up and put postage on it. Now let's come back to speed...
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How do I know that they're stupid? One guy got his order with Smiley Face paper because they didn't know what holiday he wanted it for (because the guy didnt bother telling them) and, so as not to offend ANYONE, they used a kind and non-denominational wrapping. The guy returned it SOLELY because of the wrapping.
It's not like the food was bad or that the wrong food was in there, he is just an idiot. Unless that motherfucker was EATING the damn wrapping paper, he had no real reason to send it back other than he is rich and has nothing better to do.
It's amazing this country even became a superpower. It's even more amazing we still are.
So tomorrow, I don't have to go back because my little sister is finished with her first freshman semester tomorrow at Albany and I have to pick her up. Albany, the number one party school in the state. She's going for Biochemistry, by the way. That's like going to Soul Train for a Physics doctorate.
Bon Jovi just came on TV singing that fucking Christmas song he does. Isn't this the same guy who rode on a steel horse and is wanted dead or alive?
Bad asses don't give a fuck about Christmas. He did it to grope Cindy Crawford I bet.
And on a final note, The Lot Six (as surprising pointed out to me by the amazing Mr. Scott) is coming out with a full length album (finally) on Christmas day.
heheheeh I know what Santa Belmo is bringing myself come christmas. Thanks for the offer, Erik, but if I get this, it's gotta be by my own hands. Come March, though, feel free to do as you please :).
Where'd you get that matchin Benz with them windows tinted?
Who them girls you be with when you be ridin through?
Man I ain't got nothin to prove, I paid my dues
Just rollout.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
