2004-06-28 - 10:13 a.m.
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For you but for me
The lights whizzed past in lines. There were headlights somewhere in there but I couldn't make them out. Ahead of me, a sea of red warned me of people slowing down or just plain driving. The ocean to the right was dead - a big black shroud over an otherwise dark landscape. I heard honks every once in a while and the radio was going, but I heard the words next to me float instead of hit me. I heard them waft over, a delicate embracing of my senses instead of a harsh give and receive of information.
My head spun wildly and I just looked straight forward, trying to concentrate on what I was doing since what I was doing was driving ridiculously fast. The echos of the evening still hung in my head and I did what I could to hold them there, to keep this. Keep something. Anything.
I could only grab out, but never grab.
I'm torn inside about it, I later argued to myself, because the perils on both sides are absurdedly high. On one hand, I have the greatest thing there is with potential to fall to the lowest depths and on the other side of the equation, I have the endless and burning pining and longing of a million shattered hearts. I could agonize forever over the outcomes, torture myself with the what ifs, beat my head and heart into the ground until there was nothing but a red mess as I tried to make sense of it, enough sense to please me.
And I have been.
I'll never know what I could have done or could do, but I do know what I'm doing, even if I don't know why.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
