2003-02-20 - 11:02 a.m.
*
*
*
Leaving Soon
Sitting watching Nirvana Unplugged Behind the Scenes or whatever ridiculous name MTV2 gave it and I'm just tired and just completely drained of all will to do work of any variety, despite the 3-4 page paper I have due tomorrow on Hamlet. A lot of shit has happened lately, none of which I feel like talking about here. None of it really happened to me, so it's not my story to tell. People here are getting restless and uneasy. IT seems like every day brings a new tragedy, some more drama fo yo mama. I just wish everyone could chill out for a few, just get their heads on straight.
Of course, that would entail ME doing the same.
I got my pamphlet from the school telling me all about graduation. And although I'm fully aware of everything, fully aware that I'm leaving soon, it hasn't really hit me. Oh, I KNOW I'm leaving. I say everyday for one reason or another "
Whatever.
I'm tired of worrying or debating or complaining about something I have no control over, things that fate do that no one can prevent. Time is only allowed to give you so much before it leaves, you have to make the most of that amount of time. There's no asking for seconds, no begging with your bowl like some kind of Oliver to a clock. There's no pause or rewind in life, no slo-mo. It just prods on, just keeps stomping it's way on and you have to keep up if you don't want to get trampled.
Sitting still has done nothing for anyone except put their ass to sleep.
I feared that the separation of friends and the dissipation of crews was a Lowell thing. I was afraid that it was only Lowell that was capable of throwing all these people together, having them form a tight bond, only to later disperse again, a bunch of people pining for the right place at the right time again. Everyone got tossed all over Massachusetts, or even just Lowell itself and although anyone who hung out would still hang out if they were offered it, it's not like it was. There's always golden moments in time you spend your entire life trying to reclaim. Well at least I do.
But up here, everyone is starting to do that. The good thing about Plattsburgh is, for the most part, it's very small. I could potentially walk from here to the opposite side of campus, all the way to Sibley Hall, in about 20 minutes. It took that long just to go from campus to campus at Lowell (more if you waited for the bus, a practice I dropped the day I beat the bus to Sheehy with a couple of people in that huge snow storm) Everyone is all over the place, true, but it doesn't take that long to visit them.
The only problem is I don't leave here a lot and no one comes here to visit really.
It's cool though. Because that's how things work and you can't fight the flow. You can keep in touch, you can visit each other, you can grab a hold of every bond you have and pull tight till you're surrounded by everyone, but eventually, those holds will falter, you'll slip out of those touches you're keeping in and visits will cost you 400 dollars instead of 3 minutes of walking. Things will get hard for you and people will disappear like smoke, dancing in the air like thoughts only to become distant wisps of memory until they dissolve into the air and they're gone. People move and don't tell anyone, people die, people get lost and people make sure they get lost. And it all happens. All of it. It's all very natural.
But despite how natural it is, it's still unnerving. What's the point if it all turns to shit in the end?
Because what else are you going to do with that time I've been talking about besides use it to meet everyone you can?
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
