2003-07-03 - 11:33 p.m.
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Fucking around with the park
"Oh baby you make me so hot!" - T. Rex, Orgasmo
So today, I was shown the face of true terror.
I was in Six Flags Great Adventure and I was walking around the place and I saw the good old Q-bot, my worst enemy
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I'm sure if you look back through the Diaryland entries here you can find the last time I was at Six Flags and find all about the Q-bot. I'm too drunk on absinthe to find it and honestly, all I did was bitch about people. Like I'm about to do.
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and I saw the prices on half the shit there. The slingshot thing was 40 bucks for a single person to go up and get flung across existence hanging by a metal wire. There were $4 hot dogs. The bottled water was $3. It was ludicrous. I couldn't believe it.
And then I saw it. The #1 money sucking waste of money I've ever seen.
On the log flume ride, not the big one that floods whoever is standing on the overhead pass, the one that seats 4 people per plastic hollowed out log simulation, there are now 3 hoses hanging off the bridge there that are connected to a coin box on land. That means that for a quarter a pop, you can soak people riding a water ride. People who you don't even know.
Now granted, that means that someone who just decided to ride in a plastic log floating on water that is more digusting than a public pool where you are GUARANTEED to get douched with terrible terrible water at the end of this drop and you will be wet no matter what will just get more wet. And that this is all in the name of fun.
But jesus man. Just put a fucking button there. Don't charge a quarter.
There was a Japanese man there at the boxes, sinking dollar after dollar into the machine. He had a whole roll at least (translation => $10) in his hand that he was chattering wildly in his language and giggling like the women of his culture sterotypically do as he hosed down rider after rider, sinking quarter after quarter into the boxes. This bothered me, because although this man was having fun as all get out, it was at his expense. He had to pay to play, so to speak. No fun is allowed in an amusement park unless you pay for it.
And there I was, paid in (half) full, money down for a day at the rides and I couldn't help but feel I've been just as taken as this guy. I mean, honestly, I came just for the Superman ride...
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which was fucking sick. You get hanged face to the floor while you get flipped around like crazy, kind of like you are Superman and you are flying around and shit. Only Superman isn't pressed balls first into pads and metal. And he doesn't have to pay 25 bucks to do it.
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...and the rest of the park I've already seen. Of course, once you go on Nitro, there's nothing else to even try in the park. It's just that good.
But I was taken in the worst way by this park. And I pitied this man's squirting lust and here I was, running around a park designed to take as much money from you as possible.
I mean, come on. 3 bucks for a hot dog....
But that's the thing. It's the ability to make you pay whatever you can afford or think you can afford and they'll laugh all the way to the bank. It's a small time form of prostitution. You lay your money down and for a couple of hours, you get tossed around and jostled up and down and you scream and yell and feel faint and dizzy when it's done and when your time is up, you walk away feeling fulfilled, but you really haven't gotten anything from it besides a headache and a story.
Apparently, I can't have fun without taking it apart anymore. That Socrates guy was full of shit.
The examined life is fucking terrible.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
