2001-10-23 - 8:54 p.m.
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"I also got a beaded necklace and christmas lights at the salvation army..."
This message goes out to those who love riddles...
I took a walk today with Mary and Shirley. Ms. Jane was real funny but Ms.Holmes was nothing but serious. And after the walk, we and my roomate went to a party thrown by our hall.
Tonight, my hall had a sex toy party, which I OK'd because I am the president of my hall. But it was no true sex toy party, because it was really just a safe sex seminar that an RA hired to teach the hall about safe sex... But she didn't tell me this. She lied to get this through and it exploded into this orgy about orgies. Crazy people running around and talking about sex for door prizes.
My friend got a door prize though. A paper bag full of condoms and sexual aids and a dentaldam...
And my mind got shot back to a scene in a place, where dental dams adorned a Belmo's face, but not in sex settings and not with sex terms, In an educatonial instiution but not where one learns... I remember Do Not Stretch the Dam as its stretched across teh wall. I remember blowing bubbles in latex strips and watching Rachel eat out Rob's pussy (which was really his fingers). We laughed our asses off, taking pictures and stamping it on teh wall.
I was shaken back from memories to a harsh reality in sex ed. I commited this atrocity, because I ok'd this. The president let this through. The woman running the charade was talking about flavored condoms being used as dentaldams by cutting it in the middle to open it up. I sat there aghast hearing of the flavors cherry, chocolate, grape... the names went on and I turned to my friend and said "Holy shit, that sucks..."
"Imagine having that job?"
He looked at me and laughed and kind of shook his head, like he didn't know what I was talking about. Frustrated, I tried to inform him:
"Think about it? How do they know when they got the taste they were looking for? Some guy has to sit there and lick taht and tell them whats wronge. 'HEY CARL, MORE GRAPE IN THE GRAPE! IT'S LIKE LICKING FUCKING JELLY OUT OF A GOOD YEAR TIRE!' or 'DAMN IT, THIS CHOCOLATE TASTES GREAT, LET'S SELL THIS!'. I wonder about his sanity as he licks fake dicks with condoms over them, trying to look for the best flavor of cherry dick. Man, if I had that shitty ass job, I would probably try to make the best of it by tasting pina colada condoms during lunch break. I'd toss a bunch of Captain Morgan's rum in it and and drink that and be like 'Yeah, that's a pretty good pina colada.' and then I'd probably have to follow that with 'Well, time to go back to sucking grape dick.'."
And he histerically laughs till he coughs, because he too went with the walk with Ms. Jane and Ms. Holmes. It was real funny for him.
He left and the woman hocking rubberized love to people to save them from a death worse than herpes went to find out who the 'sexperts' are and I didn't care for it, so I went and got some Munchkins (which automatically signifys its a RA program, and I giggle at noticing thier folly at leaving the pink underbelly of this affair out in the open like that. I went to our RD and told her "nice outcome for a RA program, huh?" I wanted to say "eh, budday?" like from South PArk, but we're so close to Canada here, I'd probably be pummeled.
I get back to my seat (the one I rolled personally from my room) and the woman flinging her fear for sex over the masses asked everyone about what is the Male G-Spot?
MY head shot back to a joke I once heard, blaring in my ear as I looked up at Libby*'s smiling face, as both of us feverishly glue sticked letters we confiscated from the Rolling Stone magazine I never got to work at (they didn't need those letters or mine either) and the comedian said:
"Some girls talk about what is the male g-spot, baby? How can I help you? I say its not hard to find my g-spot...it's my dick..."
I laughed my ass off when I heard that then, when I was glueing letters to Pat's Goodbye poster, for when he switched schools, and I laugh now, miles and miles away from that magical den in this cold upstate dorm, listening to jsut how many of my friends will get an STI, which has to be the back country term for STD's, which I had learned about since I was old enough to have pubes.
I decided that the rest of this unawarding night would be better spent outside, before I go to the radio general meeting at 10:15 tonight. I decided to walk with Shirley and Mary, me and a couple of friends of ours. We walked down to teh river, where lights danced like ballerinas and nature lit up with a fury and elegance. I heard a prophet proclaim:
"-Dude, I have to hit that pothead style, I don't want to say pothead style because we're not potheads...
-but pothead style doesn't make you a pothead like old school style doesn't make you old school"
I cringed at the logic of it all.
I'm gonna go lie down before I go to the radio meeting.
Thank you Mr. Graffin.
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
