2004-07-05 - 3:12 p.m.
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Going out with a bang
I can't see straight.
The world tastes funny. Everything is blowing up and the air is filled with smoke. The yard is a mess; there are countless empty paper shells strewn about, cake is ground into the ground and there are enough beercans to buy a luxurious dinner from deposit. Everywhere, the night sky is washed in sparkles - countless streams of wisping color billowing in the wind in splashes and blasts.
I walk through everything in a daze, things around me morphing and spinning. The tatters of paper on the ground scramble and rush around on the floor, swimming on the concrete. Everywhere, people are breaking things and running into each other. There are broken things everywhere.
This is bedlam. This is mayhem. This is heaven.
The roads looks empty as I drive with no idea where I'm going. I wander the streets and hope that I can find where I'm going before the police come to get me. I pull over 3 times before getting to where I have to go and then I don't stop on the way home until I get there.
Well, not my home.
The chaos is overwhelming. People half naked, throwing each other around, drinking while floating on a life raft or floatation device or whatever. People being generally obnoxious and loud, violating all code and ethics of proper conduct as a guest in someone's home. There is less mischeif in war - we're battling the status quo here. The pool is demolished. In the back, I can see a family at the dinner table, the smirking anger across their face unbearable. In the front, I can see people annihilating a floating tube for an hour. Everyone is annihilated, not just the tube. We've all been taken in by the dupe of our own vices. Tonight is not about holding back but rather holding on - just barely hanging on by the last few strings of your sanity as you run screaming through the night.
In the car again. The night seems to thrive and swell, bowing out at me and then retracting.
I stared at a fridge full of Arizona ice teas for 10 minutes.
The chaos has moved again, this time back in the original location, still same mess, still same tatters, still same anarchy. But everyone is different. The momentum has sped up and now everyone is in a frenzy, the clamor of excitement pushes people well over the edge. People dancing, people singing. The whole feels like a family. I can see brothers and sisters and cousins and I see them as all brothers, sisters, cousins. You can feel the warmth of the desperation, as we all cling to each other in a fit of struggling, trying not to drown in the wash of life. We seem to be doing a good job tonight.
Things start to decompose at this point. More explosions, more mayhem. Things begin to shoot in many directions, people narrowly miss being hit by sheer agonizing pain, the rain starts to fall and some people flee, others blow more things up. The trees light up with the sparks of reports, the bang that lets you know it's over. The fuse was lit and the trip was over.
The rain subsides and everyone is stark raving mad at this point, angered or troubled or upset. I start to weep inside when I see things fall as they did, complete bitterness and rage set everyone off and everything becomes a charade of itself. The family becomes friends again and even so far removed as to become hostile enemies, with factions starting up and plotting beginning. I just sat there and watched it unfurl like a cobra about to strike, like a venomous entity unraveling to lash out at all of us. People leave on bad terms, the night walks away with a scar on it and things begin to die down. The rain picks up and everyone scrambles, the warmth of their homes calling them back like a boomerang; we were flung into the night spinning and now must return. The explosions have died down, the people have died down.
The fuse was lit and the trip was over.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
