2001-11-23 - 3:43 p.m.
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Greek Style (not perverted, you perverts)
I'm sitting here getting all bitter listening to Thursday, because although I have tons that have made me happy lately, and I have so much to be thankful for, I'm still alone. I haven't had even a hookup in the longest time and I think it's because I shut down the part of myself that looks for someone to share life with. But now I think it got jarred back to the longing position and that makes me angry because I feel I have become selfish because of this.
I have so much and it isn't enough for me. I have become the Erysichthon I have vowed never to become...
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Ok, to battle your "whatthefuckitude" about that one, Erysichthon was a character in classic Greek and Roman literature that was rich and powerful and did not respect the gods. He chops down some tree that held a forest spirit in it and this causes him to be punished by being infected by Famine, who instills an insatiable hunger in him and ultimately it kills him because he eats himself when there is nothing else to eat. Although I realize I'm not eating myself, I feel like even though I've been given all these good things, I still have that urge for more and when I get that more, it will be the death of me, which ironically seems to be how I see relationships at this point in my life. When I get to where I'm dying to be, it's going to crush me WHEN (not if) it all goes plopping down. This is the silent drama exploding in my head...
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But them's the breaks. We're all looking for something at any point in time because we're not perfect. Someone told me that when you're perfect, you're dead.
I'd much rather be alive.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
