2001-04-27 - 3:35 a.m.
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Shitty night
I make this entry to one and only one person.
Darcikins, I'm speaking directly towards you, since I feel as though our relationship is on the rocks.
I feel as though I don't exist in your world, other than someone who takes the role as "boyfriend" in your life. This is just a title; I feel as though it holds no importance. I am merely here to be just that: your boyfriend. And I don't get the idea that you sincerly care about what I feel or what we have. I have been here for you, trying to get you to smile despite remorse and sadness over whatever sorrow comes into your life, but I feel as though I have failed. No matter what the case, you feel it is more important to be upset than to have someone care for you. I love you with all my heart. but obviously in your eyes, I am using a heart too much. You don't need me; you don't need anyone. And I am just wasting my time.
I know you are gonna read this and at the rate that I am going, you are gonna read this before I wake up tomorrow. So enjoy what has been said; that the one that loves you and wants to be with you more than anyone in the world feels unsubstantial in your life. I feel as if I don't really beling where I am; that being your boyfriend is the same as beingn the person you neglect the most in your life. I don't think I am being too off base here. I'm sure you agree that for the past god knows how long, I've talked to you a collective 15 minutes. This is not a realtionship. This is a torture.
So, I give you an ultimatum. Yeah, you finally get one, no kidding around. DO you really still need me in your life or am I a waste of your time, like I feel that I am? Tell me, because I don't see any reason for me to be as I am; yours. I don't find myself to be a catch of any kind, but I do know when I am not wanted. So, it's all up to you, Darcikins. All yours or nothing. I leave it up to you.
And for all that were looking for an entry, this night sucked. I'll leave it at that.
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
