2002-07-22 - 6:41 p.m.

***

YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!

I rode my bike today for the longest I have ever ridden a bike. Well, at least in the past few years.

I can remember riding a bike for ages upon ages upon ages, for miles unknown, pedaling like the wind.

Cigarettes are a bitch, let me tell you that. The slightest incline and *huf huf huf*

I can't even get the second f on huff out, that's how winded I was.

Seeing as they just kill you and they suck, I think today is a fine ass day to quit smoking cigarettes, just like the other countless times I have said this. One of these days, I'm going to dance with teh King of Sweden.

Actually, I'll just quit smoking. That last line was a lyric from Pink Floyd.

I'm up to the proverbial money shot on my movie, the scene where Rich the lead character comes face to face with his beeotch, MAry JAne. Not Mary Jane like spiderman. And literally face to face. I guess you'll have to wait until it comes out to see it (pffffft if THAT happens)

By the way, to any movie producers who are farming the internet for movie ideas, seeing as Hollywood has completely run dry of all imagination and innovation, you can contact me at [email protected].

Hey, they made a sequel to Stuart Little, they can buy my piece of shit.

It looks like I'm going to Warped Tour this year. God do I hope it doesnt end up being like last time, when we went to Ashbury Park and it sucked. Not for nothing, but Ashbury Park sucks dick. I don't mean to offend local Ashbury Park residents, but seriously, look out your window. Your town sucks dick. And apparently, for drug money.

And your Warped Tour was the shittiest thing I've ever been to. You can not fuck with Randalls Island, bitches. Even when it got rained out a couple of years ago, I had more fun playing in the mud that day than I did my entire time at Ashbury Park.

Today, because the computer lab at Crapsburgh was designed solely for e-mail, instant messenger and piddling around aimlessly in the vast, vapid wasteland that is the world wide web and not for sending an ATDI CD or a Jack Johnson CD to Mr. Lynch, I found a picture of a clown on the internet, wrote "Don't touch clowns, kids! You'll get the AIDS!" on it Paintbrush style (because if I couldnt send fucking MP3s with the shitboxes there, what makes you think they got Photoshop) and clicked Print.

For 200 copies.

So if you walked into Plattsburgh's shitty shitty computer lab and you saw 200 clowns popping out of a machine, warning you about "the AIDS" in the most offensive remark I could think of outside of racism and sexism....

Yeah.

That was me.

Maybe next time, I'll be able to send a simple email to a friend, bitches.

BMC

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