2002-03-03 - 11:37 p.m.
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the beginning of the end
"YOU CHANGED MAN! It USED TO BE ABOUT THE MUSIC!" - Milhouse from the Simpsons
Wow.
What the fuck is going on?
I'm getting attention (or at least what I perceive as attention) from too many people lately and its getting too much.
I juggle like it's my job. That's all I have to say.
I'm sick and tired of conflict in life and I have many at the moment. I'm about ready to give up on college life and pursue the few books IDEAS (major accent on the multiplicity of that word) and I just dont know.
Plus I got all the drama I'd want for a while and that's fun. Wait, no no it's not.
Writing in this diary is becoming weird becuase before I didn't care what people heard from me and now my words are taken to me like weapons when I decide to type up thoughts that trouble me.
Tape is completely right in saying these things are a waste of time. It's a shame I'm writing about it in an online diary.
Maybe I should hang up the digital canvas and turn my back on the rantings and ravings here. I have soo much on my mind (such as getting rid of this illness of "being single". who wants to be alone all the time?)and to have to worry about the daily Belmo check is too much to pile on. There can't be one person out there even reading this that relies on me updating this crap, and if someone does wonder just what pops out of my head, email me and I'll talk to you personally every day just to let you know, but otherwise, I'm gonna stand apathetic about updating. I will, from time to time, but without the compassion, without the fury, without the unbelieveable satisfaction of letting the world know that I'm very unhappy because I can't find a place to rest anywhere.
There is nowhere to find rest.
So I'm gonna keep on trudging through silly goals put up by other factors so that the time from birth to death was more than eating, sleeping and crapping. They're there for a reason.
I think I'm gonna go beat Goldeneye.
Yeah.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
