2002-03-19 - 6:44 p.m.
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Don't be silly... I invented electricity. MSNBC is the Devil!
I have kissed honey lips...Felt the healing in her fingertips...It burned like fire...This burning desire...I have spoke with the tongue of angels...I have held the hand of a devil...It was warm in the night...I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for -Bono and the boys singing "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
Ok.
It is evident to me that Microsoft owns argueablly EVERYTHING, but sometimes they seem not to own any common sense. I mean I'm willing to overlook Windows ME AND 2000, but this....
Oh that's right, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
During work (which I will refrain from bitching about because I'm never going back...this break) this commercial came on for MSNBC, Bill Gates attempt to show Ted Turner that he's not the only crazy billionaire psycho who can fuck up telelvision.
They attempted to tell the audience from the beginning that all the other News channels and News shows just tell you what to think.
BUT OHHHH NOOOO! NOT MSNBC! THEY ARE GODS OF NEWS!
They know you (and I have to quote here becuase it's teh basis of this rant) "KNOW HOW TO THINK FOR YOURSELF!"
Being Think-for-Ourselfers, we can completely see that MSNBC Man is totally right: I can think for myself and everyone else is telling me what to think. Even though the whole idea of thier statement was what to think about the News on.... WAIT I CAN THINK FOR MYSELF!
In a matter of 45 seconds, they manage to make themselves look like people drool on thier crotch and giggle at the warmth of it.
They proceed to show HOW MSNBC doesn't tell you how to think. They have sound clips of people's shows. The first is some stupid reporter lady who's been all over the world to bring you the news.
That's funny. The wussies on regular NBC just sit behind the funny desk and show pictures of devasation and destruction and then show Al Roker.
Then there's some clip from some guy who does something...it's very unclear. All they say is that he addresses all the hot topics and isn't afraid to touch on ALL the issues.
Actual Sound Clip: "Does that seem right?"
I swear to god.
Then comes the coup de grace. The gizzy money shot of stupidity that gave birth to this rant.
The last one is some guy...
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Notice I don't give any names. It's not so I don't advertise, which I don't give a shit about. It's becuase none of these people are worth researching or preparing for. Anything on this post has been etched into my brain becuase the ad was on eleventy billion times today, causing me to lose my temper and go outside so I could scream real loud. I'm not kidding about this either...
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...who's sound bite was as follows:
Please read yesterday's post about the whole [retarded] thing.
BUT
ISN'T THAT AN OPINION!?!?! THAT'S AN OPINION! THAT TELLS ME WHAT TO THINK! I AM A THINK-FOR-MYSELFER! This is just stupid. Not only is it an opinion, but it's a paranoid opnion. How is that different from those "25 things guaranteed to kill your family dead before I finish my sentence...at 11" reports?
This line is totally true and I didn't make it up because I didn't have to:
My brain just shut down for 10 seconds solely for typing this line.
MSNBC just proves that no matter what Bill Gates does, it will turn to crap AND make him rich. He's like the King Midas of Shit and he's living in a world where Shit is currency.
This ad is the cure for genious.
Tomorrow marks the first time I've been home for a break and didn't have to work. I'm toooooo ready to make bacon eggs and cheese for myself, sit around in my underwear, write poetry till 2 and probably scratch myself.
Well, it's appealing to ME.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
