2002-02-17 - 11:16 a.m.
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Game Show Hosts, Free Bars and Weezer: Sounds like a weekend
Wow. That's really all I have to say about that wedding was wow.
It was quite an interesting wedding, to say the least. The priest, or deacon, or whatever it was, scared me actually. He soundsed like a cross between Charleton Heston and a game show host (example of his speech- "GOD IS LOVE AND WHEN YOU LIVE IN LOVE, YOU LIVE IN GOD...AND GOD LIVES IN YOU!" - ooooooooooooo creeeeepy.)
Let me also explain in this entry that this marks the first time in damn near 5 years that I have been in a church, first time I've uttered the (y)Our Father and the Amen and all the traditional garb that comes with it. I felt silly standing in front of a statue that had someone suffering and dying for "our sins", who ironically we're supposed to be celebrating.
WE killed Jesus. Not wild pigs or act of nature or fire or something. Humans nailed Jesus to the cross. And we priase him.
I think that's why Jewsih people don't believe in Jesus. They don't want to feel guilty for killing the Messiah...
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Before I get mail for this, let me tell you right now that I don't follow ANY form of religion. Not Catholic, not Jewish, not even Pagan or Atheist. As a matter of fact, I'd prefer not to have a title altogether. I'm practicing the "Other_____________" of religions. So before anyone gets thier Jewish panties in an uproar, read over that line, realize I'm joking in damn near 90% of this entry....breathe....breathe....there you go. Thanks for killing Jesus.
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And then Father Game Show decided he couldn't bless my uncle and new aunt by himself, and instead needed the help of the 'studio audience'.
We had to hold up our hands like Nazis (I repeat, because it deems repeating) NAZIS, to 'bless' these people.
I'm not saying Father Game Show said "Everyone Heil" but when you looked around and saw the church look more like a Nazi Party than a Wedding Party, well, it made you uncomfortable.
This is why I don't go to church.
So after the whole wedding thing, we went to Flowerfields, way out on the island. This, by far, was one of the biggest reception halls I've ever seen.
My uncle Greg must have hated it being so big. He doesn't look like a gaudy person, but I'm sure his desire to make my new aunt Kara smile defeated his frugalness.
And then came the two words you never tell a Belmo ever ever ever in the history of ever.
"Free Bar".
I almost cried. I never cry at weddings.
Here was this vast wastedland of booze on top of booze on top of schnapps (I refuse to recognize schnaaps as alcohol). So what's a person to do except load up on goodies.
The following was drunk, at the price of fuck all:
2 White Russians (hehehehe you god damn right.)
1 Gin and Tonic (heavy) with a splash of lime (The Belmo Standard.)
2 Metropolitans (heavy) (I don't know why, but they were being brought around on a tray and shit, they just hopped into my belly)
A whole bunch of a Long Island Ice Tea (For those who can't WAIT to get drunk)
6 beers (Heine's and Bud's, a winning combo)
A glass of Cognac (They had a Cigar Bar...A CIGAR BAR! What's a Belmo to do?)
So yeah. What a better way to slap my last name onto another hapless victim than doing it rocked off my ass.
I actually had a damn good time at the party. I got to see my uncle Juan Carlos, who lives in Spain, and his kid with my Aunt Sue (who is actually the blood relation. I just named Juan Carlos first because it marks the second time I've ever met him.) My cousin Raphael was the ring bearer. That kid is the shit. He's gonna grow up to be awesome.
Then I talked to my half cousin Buddy all night, while my cousin Noonie (aka Carolyn) kept hitting me and swearing that it "wasn't me. Must have been the chair."
And I was the one who was drunk. Noonie is like 8 years old. She must have had the most fun there, especially getting swung around by my uncle Johnny during Jump Jive and Wail.
And I booty bounced my sister into the next room practiaclly. That's always a plus.
There are tons of other details, but unless you're a Belmonte by blood or close relation, you really wouldn't appreciate it, so NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH NYEAH!
I'm going to go see Weezer today. Please re-read the previous statement on "Nyeah".
Ok, time for Advil.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
