2002-08-09 - 10:55 a.m.
*
*
*
OH NO YOU DI-ANT!
I'M HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!
It's been a long time coming but this post is brought to you by the 516 area code.
And not a moment too soon. Amtrak, who is going bankrupt, sucks my balls. It's no surprise they're broke; if anyone told me it takes 6 hours to do something and they came to me 8 1/2 hours later and said "Here, just like you wanted 2 and a half hours ago" in ANY OTHER BUSINESS BUT ESPECAILLY IN TRAVELLING, people tend to not come back to your business. It's little trick called "Do your damn job". I got home when I was supposed to be getting home from dinner. And by home I mean "Penn STation, which is no where remotely close to home yet".
The LIRR can lick my balls too. Not so much for the trains, whose floors resemble a combination of porno theatres and regular movie theatres for the stickiness and down right fugliness of thier floors and which smell like a drunk hobo pissed all over them, as well as managed to dismantle the air conditioner. Nope. Not so much for that.
I hate the people on the LIRR.
I know I'm a passenger every once and a while, but I sit there and I keep my mouth shut. I don't talk to people, I don't lok at people, I don't bother anyone and I don't mean this as being sarcastic. I seriously look out the window and hum or listen to my headphones (at a level where I'm the only one that can hear it. I know some people like to think the whole car wants to share your music. I don't.) But some people are too into themselves or whatever thier problem is that a simple train ride isn't good enough until he's made himself or everyone aroud them crazy.
Case in point.
On the 45 minute ride that I took home, I had to stand because for some odd reason, 9:34 at night was the single only time people ride home on the train, otherwise I wouldn't have been cramped as I was. I had about 40 pounds of crap hanging from my neck, but there was no room to put it down...
**************************
the big rolling bag I had that was crammed with about 70 pounds of clothes didn't help things either. I heard all sorts of shit for it, but WHERE THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT? IN THE OVERHEAD? IF YOU TOOK A TURN TO SHARP, IT WOULD FALL AND KILL YOU BECAUSE IT WAS EASILY 2 TIMES THE SIZE OF THE SHELF!
**************************
So I had to stand perfectly still becasue if I moved a little in any direction, someone got touched with a backpack and immediately believed it deserved a war.
But my favorite part of the ride was "the black lady with the baby". Not that this is standard issue for a train ride that it needs to be singled out, but the black lady with the baby "threatened" me the most, not saying that I feared her most, but saying that she yelled the most.
Black Lady With the Baby: I KNOW you ain't gonna bend ova to tie yo shoe again and put yo backpack upabovemybabyshead." (said really fast at once. Try being ignorant before you read it.)
That one goes out to SeanBaby.com, because that site is funny as all get out and I can imagine him explaining it that way, but with more curses and references to NES games.
Why would I get a kick out of this, you might ask? Because no more than 5 minutes before she threatened me when I tied my show, she dropped a big black purse full of her stuff on her baby's sleeping face, and it made a little whimper, which was the worst sound I've ever heard in my entire life. Hearing a sleeping baby get smacked in the face by a falling bag because thier mother left it ON TOP OF THE COVER OF THE CARRIAGE, DANGLING THERE TO MAUL YOUR CHILD AND SCAR THEM FOR LIFE only to hear that same mother yell at you because your backpack comes a little too close for comfort
**************************
and keep in mind, I in no way could ever ever ever ever in the history of ever have come remotely even close to affecting that child at all with my bag in anyway. Even on the smallest chance that I did hit that kid, all the kid did was whimper when it had a huge bag full of its mother's cosmetics, perumes, contraceptives and mace hit it in the face from about a foot and ahalf up. My backpack wouldn't even have woken it up.
**************************
I dont know. I find silly things funny.
Anyway, I'm happy to be home, on LI, with my family, but most importantly, I'm happy to be able to sit on a couch that doesn't bleed fuzzy stuff and watch TV and eat Cap'n Crunch on a summer morning.
It doesn't get any better than that.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
