2003-01-05 - 10:22 p.m.
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Red Label Revisited
"HAVE YOU CHANGED? / 'CAUSE I'M STILL THE SAME!" - Resignation. By me and Red Label.
The new year brings old vices and exes and flames that were put out light up. I look back on my past years, with people who lived them side by side, face to face and together. The old feeling of that warm niche carved out, still warm after all these years. I've waited 2 years and change and change and nothing has changed, it all remains the same. It's still there, always was, always is, never falters; we're fathers of something that never will die.
I have been back to the strap, back to the wooden little whore, screaming her lungs out as I thrash her violently, beat her mercilessly. Old times echo like reverb and feedback. They call out and sound out and play out indefinitely. Me and her, we dance and we dance. We bang around the room to the sounds that we make. I can feel her shaking as it plays out, trembling as the game goes on. And the whole time, it's a beautiful thing, truly awe inspiring, if ever such a thing could be. The violent dance plays out as I look up, looking over at my friends all smiling. My brothers in this angry explosion.
DRUMS! BASS! YELL MORE MOTHERFUCKER! TEAR THE GODDAMN ROOF DOWN AND FUCKING PISS ON THE RUBBLE! I WANT THIS BUILDING TORN TO ITS GODDAMN FOUNDATIONS AND I WANT TO STAND ON THE PILE AND FUCKING LAUGH!
It felt so good to be back behind the guitar, even if it wasn't mine to play. I haven't played Red Label songs with Red Label in the longest damn time. And it was goddamn beautiful. During one part in a song called Children of Suburbia, there's a vocal line Brian sings and there's background vocals that everyone sings usually. I forgot the feeling of a WOAH OH OH while in the middle of a mix. I looked up, to see if anyone else would remember what to do. And when I saw all of us singing, while I banged away on those chords slapped together so long ago, on one of the first songs people have ever heard of from us on our tape we made, it felt like old times, when we had no idea we would quit, when quiting was never a possible option. We sat and discussed many of our past transgressions, talked about who we've played with that have gone on to better things and realized that there was nothing we did any differently than the other bands. We just didn't chase the urge we had as diligently, never reached higher than we should have. In fact, a few bands even remember us, bands that have received acclaim themselves. What kind of a mark that makes on us as a band, I don't know, but all I know was hearing all those songs played out the way they should be made me feel more lively than I have in a long time. It made me feel amazing. Like someone who's been far removed from food feasting on a buffet, stuffing themselves with as much food as humanly possible. Because you don't know when the next time food will ever come around again.
I'm going going back back to Massachusetts as well, to record the remainder of the Hump stuff soon. More trips down some of the greatest artistic fun I've ever had, as well as with some of the greatest people I've ever met. Things don't seem so new for me now. This whole New Year horseshit, the bringing in the new bullcrap. This revival is just what I need. I feel a little more like I used to now, a little more lively, a little loose at the mind. I've felt so locked up inside, so removed from my processes. I haven't written a poem in almost 3 months. I used to write 5 a day. Maybe I'll go write one now, just because. Maybe I'll play guitar tonight till my hands bleed, maybe I'll just sit and stay warm with the ringing of that deafness in my ears slowly swallowing my hearing, knowing the reason it's there right now.
This is like making out with your best ex and going home with their smell on you.
I don't even know what to do with myself, but I do know this. No matter what it is, I'll be a little happier when I do it.
"THAT YOUNG BOY HAD THAT CERTAIN DRIVE (WOAH OH OH) THAT YOUNG BOY SHOWED THE WORLD HE WOULD SURVIVE / HE HAD MADE, MADE THE GREAT ESCAPE!"
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
