2002-09-03 - 11:41 a.m.
*
*
*
The beginning of an end just beginning
Things have been all WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT and then HUH? lately.
Emphasis on the huh.
I've got no time it seems to do the things I love, no time to write poetry or stories, no time to play guitar or hike. I'm dedicating way too much time to the house, to school, to the radio station. I'm not getting hungry anymore.
Which I don't care about. I really don't care about.
I don't know. For some strange reason, every single beginning of the school year, I always get off to a stagnant start, mucking in the fact taht summer is dead, pissing away time and ending up having to catch up in the 3rd week, making that week a terrible week.
I'm looking at that right now as happening. Bad week.
But I don't ever do anything to help it and with this new house and being so far away from school, it's harder to get what I have to get done.
The distance from my house to school is probably within feet of the distance that South Campus of Lowell was from North Campus. When I had to go there for engineering.
I also had a bus that doenst exist here.
Well, I didn't have the bus, but I had access to said bus.
Anyways.
I really can't wait for next week and by that I mean I fucking wish my teachers would all fall down a well together that week so that I can catch up on the bullshit I have so dutifully stacked onto my own shoulders. Oh, I know it's MY fault, but fuck them. Stop assigning 5 page papers, stop assigning watching TV when I don't even have cable yet, stop assigning current events homework when I don't have internet access at home and have to walk a mile to get to the fucking closest internet hookup. Stop killing my soul, Plattsburgh. You're a big drain on my fucking emotions and it's starting to piss me the fuck off. And what the fuck was that about having classes on Labor Day, you waste of the SUNY system's time? WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD A STATE SCHOOL BE OPEN ON A FEDERAL HOLIDAY?!?!? Are these teachers THAT much in love with teaching? Then they can teach themselves to go fuck themselves.
I'm done already with this school, now I'm just letting the flow of Senior year take me. Pretty soon, I have to get my resume done, I have to "shop" for jobs, I have to work towards leaving this shit hole. I'm not going to have time to do ANYTHING at all: no fishing trips with Shpunt; no visiting anyone, anywhere; no going out and getting shitty all the time, coming home and getting even more shitty.
This is like one big nightmare falling down on my head. My house, this school, the end of it all. It's culminating to this collosal towering doom that is going to sweep down on me from up above and just ravage my sanity, completely drive me to my breaking point.
I don't see me coming out of this anything less than a mess.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
