2004-02-16 - 9:06 a.m.
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P burgh
There are a few moments I can remember about it.
One was the way the sun hit the gigantic icicles, glowing in reds and yellows and oranges underneath the white fingers of ice. It was as if someone was supposed to paint the mountain with a color by numbers and triumphantly got the colors wrong. The sun glared from the sky, hitting me right in the face while blinding me and I could only hope the road ahead of me was straight and steady as I drove on blinded.
I can remember every hello I said to every single person I said it to. I can remember a few people who deserved it and yet did not get one, which gives me a deep shame and resentment towards my actions and makes me think more on what kind of a person I must be if I can forget to even say hello to people who have changed my life.
I can remember the feeling of familiar ways returning to me, the pilgrimages I once took towards chapels in alleys and all of the drama, scandal, sin and happiness that comes along with it. You don�t forget experiences like that.
I can remember seeing the light from the window in the morning and feeling one warm spot on my face while the rest of my body shivered, trying to grab a hold of some warmth but feeling nothing but cold, out in the brisk chill of that morning. My throat felt on fire and my head felt underwater but my body was on ice.
I can remember the lights going out, the old drone of darkness plodding on infinitely. The door opened and a glimpse of light burst in and escaped.
I don�t know if I should remember anything else though. I do. I remember much and I don�t feel like sharing it because it would only matter to me anyway. It would be like telling you a desk is hard or water is wet. They would be truths with no background for you, like that hard desk is where I�m sitting now typing about it all and the water is in my cup, ready to drink as I sit here for another 9 hours.
But I do remember it. I remember what I felt and what I saw and what I did and where I was. I remember it all.
Longing is the worst torture imaginable.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
