2004-02-06 - 4:58 p.m.
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Dinner Hour : real time of the day :: tooth fairy : real person
I have lost all hope for this country.
Not really the world. Just this country.
A woman is trying to get a class action suit going against Janet Jackson, for flashing her boobs, in which one of the things said for the case is that �millions of people are owed monetary damages for exposure to lewd conduct.�
Last time I checked, when someone was entertaining you by showing their boob, you had to pay THEM for it.
It goes on to cry about how the world is a cesspool of sin and lewd conduct, where the dancers alongside Janet and the way Justin Timberlake and Janet were dancing was also lewd and inappropriate. They are seeking retribution for the nudity that might have sullied the eyes of small children, if they even knew what they were looking at and could grasp what was even going on. If you watch the actual footage (not the blown up zoomed in digitally enhanced photograph of the action, which NO ONE saw on TV and had to go on the internet to find) there is absolutely nothing about the performance you could distinguish as nudity. She gets something ripped off of her and you see something that might be a boob but could be some kind of flesh colored suit � it�s hard to tell from the camera in the crowd shot they showed.
The article on Yahoo! mentions that this could get costly, seeing as there were roughly 89 million people watching the Super Bowl
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although no one watches the halftime show anyway, so that number is probably significantly less and besides, short of walking around to every single household and questioning each individual person about whether or not they saw the act take place and whether or not they were offended by it. Even then, you still wouldn�t be able to prove the validity of each person�s claim, seeing as anyone saying they got offended by one black tit flashing for all of 1.5 seconds from 500 feet away from the camera will get money then chances are everyone will say �yes, I am offended by black tits.�
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and since the payout would reach into the BILLIONS � which is more than some countries have in their entire country � the court would decide this:
�If additional punitive damages are granted, it adds, they should be no higher than the "gross annual revenues of each defendant for the last three years..."
Which means when you bought the Velvet Rope, here�s your chance to get your money back for that CD. And if you bought Justified, here�s a big refund coming your way. All you have to do is hate breasts.
I keep thinking that this is going to die down, so I have been reluctant to discuss it because everyone in the world has an opinion on this matter and no one really needs to hear mine. But at this point, with this situation heating up further and further and causing things to reach levels of idiocy never before attempted by people with full mental capacity, I can�t hold my tongue any longer.
STOP TALKING ABOUT�
Oh wait, I already said this. I�ve already talked about this and this lady didn�t listen.
Well listen now.
You may think your crusade for glory defending the rights of the innocent and weak by seizing the day and making those people responsible for breast baring pay, but in my eyes what you are doing is even more indecent and wicked than any boob you could pop out at my from far away for brief seconds. You think punishing people because either their costume messed up or they just have bad taste is an action of upright citizens fighting for good but you�re more evil than Janet Jackson ever will be. Your need to persecute those who have done wrong far exceeds the wickedness behind your reasons for this fight. You�re punishing someone for being naked briefly at an event designed for commercial gain, where people beat the living snot out of each other to move a dead pig wrapped around air up and down a field of grass over and over again so that people can get drunk and paint their bodies colors and scream while half naked cheerleaders jump up and down in revealing clothing and beer ads run rampant for 3 hours of your life. It is a big bundle of commercialism, with the AOL half time show and Budweiser this and H&R Block that. The fact that people paid millions of dollars for 30 seconds worth of time is proof enough that they didn�t care how they did it, they wanted your attention and they wanted you to buy every single thing you saw and you fell for it. They grabbed your attention wholeheartedly and now they�re getting amazing attention and the likelihood of business, despite the negative stigma attached to each person involved, has increased, because for every handful of breast haters, there are a bunch of people who love breasts who don�t give a fuck that one popped out at a Super Bowl and now they have been subjected to name placement, hearing CBS and AOL spit their name all over as they apologize out the ying yang for something they were probably smiling ear to ear about.
And to fight this crusade because children might have seen breasts at �dinner hour�, a term I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER heard before is ludicrous. On top of which, WHO THE FUCK EATS DINNER AT GODDAMN 9:30 AT NIGHT?!?! Goddamn people like you is why we can�t say goddamn on TV or radio anymore goddamn it. First things first. There is no way in hell anyone was cuddled around the television with a nice chardonnay with filet mignon while Bach played in the background as they watched this on TV. So you know that the people watching this show aren�t going to be phased by this. It astounds me that no one said fucking anything about beer commercials or commercials about erectile dysfunction or anything else on TV except for this one 2 second moment. There are commercials of women faking orgasms as they shampoo their hair in an �organic experience� on in the middle of the day or night or even during �dinner hour�. There are shows with tons of sexual innuendo, there are shows where boobs have been shown. MTV did a special with True Life where a girl got a boob job and the entire show, they showed her breasts and not one call was sent in with such an outcry as this. God, this is more retarded than people making a big deal when that guy said SHIT on NYPD Blue, a word that has lost all power and meaning after being overused by everyone.
In all honesty, if you�re going to fight the good fight for me about breasts, ask my permission first. Don�t have me find out you�re going to bat for me in the courts to get reparation money because I saw Janet Jackson more than I have before. She�s a Jackson � of course she�s going to expose herself to everyone. Latoya showed everyone, Michael showed little children and now Janet is just following in the legacy. If anything, she is the most prudent of the three and that�s sad. Just please take my words of yesterday to heart and shut the fuck up about Janet Jackson finally. In all this time, with all this effort to fight such an outcry, you�ve called more attention to it and blown it up far bigger than it was, like when you play with a wound and it bloats up with infection.
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There. Arrest me.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
