2004-07-26 - 1:17 p.m.
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Nonsense on Nonsense
Let me blow the digital dust off of this thing.
I've been quite the busy boy lately.
Aside from updating my Myspace.com location (which I do a lot - look for Belmo and toss me a friendship request because friends are fun, anonymous internet stranger) and running around America with the Mortgage Press, both of my bands have been full force in getting our name out. Both released a demo (go to www.sometimelatermusic.com and www.prettypollyweb.com for each of those) and also we've begun to play shows all over the place (see each site for more info on that).
On top of THAT, I maintain a blog for Myspace that I've been updating a little here and there (sorry jealous Diaryland friends....of which there are probably none) and I'm really just running rampant on life.
I'm still pretty lonely, granted. Sure, I'm tired all the time. I have a blank stare in my eyes at points, my hair is disorderly because I forgot to brush it at times, sure, and I don't make a lot of sense sometimes because I'm too tired to realize I'm blabbering on aimlessly. Sure, these things happen. Of course I'm miserable at points because I have a mountain of worries but no one to relieve me of the worry associated with those worries. OF course I'm slowly cracking under the pressure of 15 things up in the air at one time and, simultaneously, there is so much going on in history at this point that it's frightening to turn on the news or read the paper. There's no doubt in my mind that this is the single scariest moment in my life and I'm not talking about writing in a fucking online diary. I mean living, just simply being alive right now.
But that's understandable.
It's understandable that every day, at least 20 people tell me through the media that I will die today. Oh no!!! That laundry detergent I bought? Possible cyanide contamination. That beef I'm eating? Could carry mad cow disease, which will undoubtably kill me like AIDS. AND AIIIIIDS!!! Shit, if I even fuck anymore anytime soon, I'm a goner. There's just no chance I can find a suitable sex partner in the world, either male or (preferabbly) female that would give me anything less than herpes for the rest of my life. The car I'm driving in has been recalled for 3 different parts. There have been people shot to death on the streets of every major metropolitan city every day since creation and I live right next to the biggest. 2 trains have derailed in the past month for no reason whatsoever, killing hundreds. That's fine, I take planes when I travel to locations...oh wait, that's not fine either. Since it's close to election times, god knows what kind of debauchery militant minds bent on my fear of them will have up their sleeves.
And I go to 4 conventions in the next 3 months. At least 4.
Not only is this world completely out of hand, MY world itself, my endlessly spinning little shit of a life that means nothing is out of hand and I can't exist in a world that is out of hand with a life that is out of hand and be anything less than miserable.
Which I am.
And it bothers me that I'm not alone. While some people are pros about hiding this and almost all of them don't blabber about it on the internet, I know a few people in the same predictament as I am. Stuck with a busy, crazy life and trying to make sense of what is going on here while unsuccessfully trying to get a hold on their own life. Is this a rite of passage or something? Is my life supposed to self-destruct like this and explode into a million fragments all desperately trying to unite back together?
Although, I tell you one thing. I would mind life being really sucky right now if I wasn't having so much fun doing it.
But it's the principle of the thing!!!!!
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
