2003-03-12 - 6:32 p.m.
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Ching chang kitty lomein
I'm not very impressed.
I was thinking that living off campus, halfway between school and living on your own, was a good experience, with multiple advantages that work out well together to form an educational moment that you will take on with you down the line so that you can survive.
I didn't think it would become "...NOW who wants money?"
We got our electric bill and it's fucking 400 bucks. For this month. 319 the month before. In case there's no mathemagicians reading, that's 700+ on electric (the only source for our heat in the house). 700 should get us through the entire semester here. And this fact would still be true if the semester ended on Friday.
I checked. It doesn't and even after asking really nicely, they said they couldn't do it for me.
Shit.
So, as the "leader"
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also known as the person who has to talk to the landlord because no one else wants to and then you have to relay the landlord's fury upon your fellow housemates who believe that you, as messenger, must bring back their reply of "RAWR RAWR RAWR GRRR GRR GRRRR FUCK FUCK FUCK" and so on and proceed to tell you in detail what they want to tell the man who told them they use so much goddamn heat because it's goddamn cold outside constantly that they are fucked and is just trying to help out by letting us know "hey fuckos, your bill is enormous. do something about it please" but that just means that we owe more money so people get angry and yell at you. Or me. I got lost somewhere in there
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I have to tell everyone we are fuuuuuuuuuuuucked.
And every fucking went nuts.
Things were said, things were thrown, things were broken, our malaysian roomate admitted she doesn't shower and that she doesn't do laundry and she smells and also that she almost cooked Mandy's cat because she hates cats and it fucked up her room.
Oh yeah. I'm dead fucking serious. See why I get pissed off every time I realize I'm awake? The girl tried to tell me that she doesn't use energy in the house because she doesn't take showers *BING* doesn't wash her clothes *BING* and that she smells *BING*. She doesn't believe turning her heat all the way up and opening the window when it gets too hot is energy wasteful, but you know how those water heaters just eat up that power.
AND THE FUCKING CAT!??!?! SHE TRIED TO COOK THE CAT!?!?!? Granted, no one in our house likes Mandy's cat and she knows that. We HATE Mandy's cat and as much as she may say "awwww but she's a princess, you do love the cat", and I say "yeah" she knows I mean "yeah, fucking right. If that cat ran away tomorrow, I'd throw a fucking party". WE HATE THE CAT.
But, I'd never eat the cat.
And the worst part is she is Malaysian and as much as I hate stereotypes about people, when an Asian person is trying to cook a cat, even as a sign of pure feline frustration, if they're not kidding, then that's ludicrous. It's fucking ludicrous. It's like if she hit Stevo on the foot with a hammer and having his eyes shoot out and go real big and he pulls his foot out and it's flattened. And then it pops back to regular shape.
THIS IS FUCKING REAL LIFE! WHY IS IT ACTING LIKE A MOVIE?
And although I wasn't even there to see this happen (I had left to Becca's, the only place I can sit there and stare off and actually hear thoughts) I was told this by Bea, the girl, herself.
And she had no problem with this action.
I've always considered myself a boring person but why the fuck do so many messed up, utterly insane fucking things happen to me?
So that's what the past day or so has been. I haven't gone to classes. I'm pretty fucked up from everyone yelling all the time, everyone constantly fingerpointing, constantly making uneducated assumptions become gospel truth. And I get to sit there and watch it all unfold. Watch everyone bicker and argue. The shouting without thinking's, the saying shit I don't mean's, the blah blah bullshit and conspriacy theory's, the "teams" or "sides" or "partners" that happen when someone thinks something that two or more people don't agree with and they just don't want to admit they're wrong, so they believe people work in factions against them. All these things will happen and they will make me so so very very miserable and upset. My birthday is coming and I haven't even realized it. It's less than a month away and since it's only 22 and not anything big (like 21) I don't really have anything to look forward to. And my after college plans. Woah boy do I have a fucked up situation there. I know I'm going to do what I want and it's not going to make people happy and that's not going to make me happy. So many things out there to see and do and be a part of. Do I want to be 10-20 up the line and regret deciding against something? Do I want to knit pick back 30 or 40 years and fine tooth comb myself and find where I went wrong or right? I haven't even been here for that long. Hell, if I live to be forty, I'm only half way there and if I only live to be forty, then shiiiiiiit. I have so much ahead of me and so much behind and so much ahead of me and so much undone. I can't even breath sometimes. I ache in my heart when I lie down at night worrying about what I missed and what I have to do the next day. I'm also kind of pissed I'm alone when I do it.
Alone is a very dangerous thing.
I came to the computer lab tonight to get away from my house, get away from my troubles, even if it means I'm just wasting valuable time and I should be saving myself but I refuse. It's like I've given up on myself in a way because I just don't have the care in the world for my well being. Safe and secure living is not interesting to me. Rolling the dice, banking the shots, that's what I want. I don't want pegs to climb my way up, I want to soar and either fly or crash, but get there on my own choice and get to where I want by my own choice.
I'll start with checking out if seanbaby.com is updated.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
