2001-10-31 - 12:37 a.m.
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All that for guuuuh
I press my fingers to the wound by my ear, a scar put there from a stray paintball this weekend. I think over the past few days and how I'm slowly sinking into mediocrity and becoming unsatisfied with myself, which is a horror. More of a horror than the ghastlies and ghoulies as they shake the yeardormant dust from their heads. I sit here upset with the way I have lived lately and I can't say too much to compliment the situation. Too much anger, too much silence, too much sorrow and pain. way too much of too much to say anything at all. I can't believe much anything I see on TV being real, even though I know that there's no hollywood magic going on. People are really dying and getting sick; my family lives only 40 miles away from the city where planes are falling and viruses are stomping through. Our metropolitan haven is a hell now.
And the whole time, what does it do? The shit conditions that the people commiting these atrocities have not lifted. We are dropping tons of ammo on these people and we're basically justified to do it now. No one in the world will really say to us that it is wrong to seek vengence on this action. So we get the Bomb Out a Country Free Card and we're cashing it in.
Do not pass go, do not avoid 200 missles.
And slowly the vail is coming down and we happily apply it and smile. I don't want to see the actual missles landing and shattering lives, just dashes streaking across the sky into oblivion. Let the world go to pieces, but at least we have live coverage on TV to let us know it is.
Sometimes I wish I was Hellen Keller. That bitch wouldn't hear or see just how fucked up this all is.
Wow, I can't believe I just fucking said that.
Handicaps aside, I'm really jsut tired running around and being told how much my poetry sucks shit. I'm so glad to hear just why I'm doing the wrong thing so well.
I got my midterm grades back. At this rate, I'll have a 3.4 this semester.
I fought for a 1.9 in Lowell. I dreamnt of days when I would not be ashamed to tell how school is going when my relatives asked. I really don't think that's all that important, but it makes me look like an idiot when I tell them I'm failing. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. It still doesn't mean anything to me now that I have it. Sometimes dreams are silly and when you get them you realize how empty they are. I've never been a grade hound and this sudden academic burst still won't awaken my academic spirit.
I just want to get the fuck out of here as fast as I can.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
