2002-07-15 - 9:59 a.m.
*
*
*
Bamboozled, Jilted, Hornswoggled + Hoodwinked
"Wow, you're one of those kids I keep hearing about...those "stupid" kids." -Drunken Belmo to Japanese Roomate, on the art of cooking stryofoam in the oven.
I am always the last one to find out about good things.
I'm spending all morning downloading the Shods MP3s. I do not claim to be the biggest fan in the world, in fact I've only heard one of thier CDs in its entirety and it was during a car ride, so I was half paying attention.
But now I wished I paid full attention.
Slowly and surely I am on the path of being found in my common room of my apartment with the bloodied corpse of my roomates on the floor in tatters as I dance around waiving a blood covered baseball bat.
Kind of graphic.
It is unbearable enough to live with a couple of kids straight out of Japan, and for unfair reasons. I can't get angry at thier way of life, becuase it is different from mine, and that's whats called culture shock. And DAMN! have they put some stank on the shock.
I'm not being figurative. They are the most filthy human beings I have ever met in my entire life and I'm a slob.
How about old chicken left in a full (or overflowing, because this has happened more than once) garbage bag, which is in turn left on the floor next to the garbage can, instead of taking it all of 25 feet to the dumpster....
**************************
And let me add that our suite is the single closest apartment to the dumpster. Not close enough that it bothers anyone, but close enough that it's one of the first things you see when you leave our place...
**************************
...and all this in 90 degree humid stinking summer glory.
It's like I live in a shitty Chinese food restaurant, only the kitchen has been replaced by the dumpster.
I can't possibly believe this. At the same time, I CAN get angry at them for doing something pointless and retarded, like putting styrofoam in the oven, or leaving putrid garbage all over, or even staying up till 5 AM with thier LOUD (L motherfucking O motherfucking U motherfucking D) ass girl friends (keep in mind, I have no idea if they are girlfriends, but they certainly have a lot of Japanese girl friends. As to why they are always in my apartment at any random time, on any random day is anyone's guess).
That's not culture shock, my friend. That's flat out dickery.
I don't want to come out of my room anymore and I think they notice it becasue they seem to have been starting up with even more asinine activity, such as cooking fish using my brand new (old) George Foreman...
**************************
And cooking fish at that, and if anyone knows my eating habits even in the least, I fucking loath fish depsite coming from Long Island. As if Fate had nothing better to do with its fucking time, the smell of any seafood makes my stomach go puke and since I associate the smell of something with how it tastes, I have not eaten seafood much in my life. In fact, I can count the times on one hand...
**************************
...and not only making a mess of the ENTIRE kitchen, sparing no section of countertop from decimation, but also not cleaning it up, including the grill, which leaves that lovely fish stank all over everything in the kitchen and leaves a fishy coating for whatever I plan on griling in the grill. And also, they cut thier hair and leave it on the carpet, as if we have hairballs for pets.
This is not fucking right and one day, they're gonna be sitting there, eating noodles again in that "I have to stick my face in this bowl and slurp the shit out of this well past necessary levels of sucakge" way, which is thier cultures way, but it won't protect them any longer. I will have been passed the point of understanding, a point that is vast for me and takes years for most people to cross. There has only been one other person to cross this line and even then I avoided pounding them with thier kayaks and sticking thier Macs that put them into financial ruin right up thier ass. This is like war in my home, the war to do as I see fit and to live happily in the one place I can do that: where I go to bed.
Even the Shods aren't making me feel happier now.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
