2004-09-12 - 7:47 p.m.
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The summer is dead.
Things.
All I can say about them is that they are crazy.
Things are fucking loony right now man. Everyday, I go from being amazed by all life has to offer to being totally distraught and astonished that life is such a cruel, cold bitch. And everything in between. I've been guilty, shame-ridden, apocalyptically depressed and then the next day, I'm so fucking happy that I can't control myself.
This whole past week has been a nightmare mixed with a blessing. I've lost people, found people, lost things, found things, lost bands...
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I'll say this once and never say it again. I'm no longer the bassist for Pretty Polly. While I can't say it surprises me since Rob has pushed to make his vision come true for 10 years now and saw me only as a roadblock because I wouldn't do simply what he told to do, I'm frustrated that it's gotten to this point and the only thing I can hear from him is that it was bad. That I've done wrong for the band's sound as well as the band as a whole. It's on par with being broken up with by a girlfriend. Well, maybe not that bad...ok sort of kind of but not exactly equal. I'm not even going to get into THAT at all anymore apparently...
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...And found bands...
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"...and glory fades..... and so do days........."
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and all I can say is I'm fucking tired already of a lot of shit.
I'm seriously happy that things have panned out as they have though. It's led to a lot of clutter being removed or at least sorted. I see lonely times ahead in some regards and I know that I've passed some moments that will forever change the way I do things or see the world and the people in it. I know it sounds very cliche and all, but in all honesty, I think with the death of the summer coming soon, if not technically now, I've come through a growth period. I'm a different person I was a year ago, in some regards for the worst, but those are things I can change and I think I just needed that. I needed to be really faulty for a while. I needed to be arrogant and stupid and snobbish and abrasive and dumb because I went out of my way not to be for so long. I don't agree with it and I've found that it brought me nothing but pain when I was so, but now I can stop being that way and focus more on improving things, either for myself or between me and other people. And I can look ahead for the future to come and see what it has in store for me, see what I'm really capable of now that I have some new freedoms and now that I've let go of a few of my woes.
I'm going.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
