2002-12-11 - 8:39 p.m.
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Wendy's makes everything better
So.
So I passed Psychology.
I got a 60.8% and 60 is a D. This means I pass. This means I don't have to make it up to graduate.
But the downside is, it kicks me in the balls for grades and shit.
This is a downside I've gotten used to over time. If anything, the good year I had last year is stepping out of the norm.
I'm very sick today after going out with some out of town friends and getting puking drunk, then waking up 3 hours after coming home and going to a final. It is safe to say that I am a total idiot and cannot function properly as a human being. It is also safe to say that last night was all sorts of fucked up on a myriad of levels and on top of that, was damn fun. Puking and all.
I'm coming home from Plattsburgh on Friday. This semester is dead, but it's corpse is going to sit rotting and reeking because we don't have two new roomates to replace Mike and Jeremy, who are leaving because they're graduating. It's like the end of last semester all over again, a big rush of throwing posters up and getting phone calls, showing the house to people and trying to get someone here so I don't have to pay crazy money and besides, it's good to have a bunch of roommates. It's more fun that way.
I've been very up at arms towards what I should do with myself lately. My apathy has sunk to a fatigue and I find that I can't motivate myself enough anymore. I don't feel comfortable a lot anywhere for some reason, whether sitting, lying down or running around constantly. I feel constant uneasiness and I don't sleep a lot any more. I've been sleeping on the couch downstairs for the past 2 weeks, because my room was cold for a while due to a busted window. My room heated up somehow and now I'm just too lazy to go upstairs anymore.
I picked up a guitar the other day for the first time in 2 weeks. It's getting worse and worse. I remember when I wouldn't go to sleep in a day without playing at least an hour or two of guitar, even if it meant diddling around pointlessly while watching TV. Now, I can't play for a whole hour. I get frustrated and throw the guitar down. I haven't played in a band in a while. It's not something I seem to be solving anytime soon. It's rough when all you play are these songs you wrote, that no one knows what they are and no one but you knows what it's supposed to sound like and then you try to go further and make more or learn other songs and it just gets frustrating. Wasn't I supposed to do this stuff for a living at one point?
Wasn't I supposed to do this stuff for a living? Where the hell am I really going?
I've had to hold my tongue a lot lately towards a lot of things and I'm not pleased about it at all. Not enough time to follow certain interests. Not enough time and not enough patience either. I'm in some kind of limbo, where I can't make any long term plans because I'm going to be leaving here and going who knows where. I don't know where. All I know is that I want to stop living such a hectic life. Dorms to apartment to house. I've lived in 4 different places the past 6 months. I've been away from school very little, staying up here all summer and then diving head first into school all over again right after that and I think I've burnt out my desire to learn and enjoy intellectual pursuits. I see myself de-evolving into a joke of myself, into someone I would use as a joke. This is never a good thing.
Oh well, time to go eat Wendy's.
Beep.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
