2003-07-11 - 9:48 p.m.
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Complaint's Department
Been playing with Mehr a lot lately, just jamming to some drum machine thing he found on his computer, buried in about 80 gigs worth of digital bounty. Just letting the drumline run and run and just letting my fingers run and run and run and it's like talking to the air with music and it's just what I need. I've been on edge lately, been snapping for no reason a lot. I've noticed it first at the Downtown Bulletin Board, where someone might say something to poke some fun or something and I'll completely read them wrong, seeing as the most I've ever talked to almost half of these people on there has been on this board and I might not be accustomed to their joking style. Then I'll flip the fuck out and get insulted and type back a full on rant in their direction. This is usually me out for blood, because, when arguing with someone using text, you have to speak with furiosity and power to win, so why speak with anything but full on furiosity and power? And then I find out that they were either kidding or they meant a general statement or something not aimed at me and they get defensive and wonder what they did to me, which is nothing, and what they did to deserve that, which is still nothing.
Another thing that has happened is that I have been fighting with my famly as a whole for the past 2 weeks over absolutely nothing. One fight was over who got to tell a story. I was in the kitchen when my sister was relating a story....
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which was a pointless story. I call my sister "echo" because the only thing that comes out of her mouth 99% of the time has been a quote from a movie, TV special or comedy CD. There is nothing altogether wrong with this, with the exception that it shows a shallowness I wish my sister didn't have. That and after hearing the same Eddie Izzaard or Liar Liar quote said for the 5000th time, probably that week, you feel like strangling her because you've already heard her say it and not only that, she repeats it ad naseum well after the point where she should stop and also, she uses it at times that make absolutely no sense sometimes, that are completely irrelevant to the situation. Ok, so that isn't altogether ok. It is vividly annoying. So I called her an "echo" after one of her friends asked me where I got some line I made up from. And I got annoyed and shouted at them because I said something funny and they needed it to come from somewhere for me to say something funny, as opposed to just making up something funny, which is what the people who created their entire language of quotes already did for them.
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And she introduced the idea of the story and I hadn't heard her explain the story, so I wanted to explain to my parents what was the story behind calling her an echo. And then she starts talking over me and I was like "why can't I tell the story; I'm the one who called you it" and she replied all smug and pissed off: I was telling it and you interrupted me. I was also in the kitchen while she was telling the beginning, she stopped when I came in, I thought she was done and she took it as me being shitty and followed that up with a smartass attitude.
Now.
If you know my sister and I, you may know how we can battle over just about anything. And I mean anything, at almost a drop of a hat. With no warning whatsoever, we can duke it out and the bloodbath will be huge. When she acts like shit to me because she wants to tell a story of me naming her an echo because she has no language of her own, I get pissed because of the irony involved. It takes me making fun of her due to her stealing jokes to have a "joke" of her own, which is really my joke about her. And is no joke. She fucking says everything she hears without even thinking and thinks it's smart when it's the same thing parrots do, only more annoying becase you know she's capable of more speech.
So I flipped the fuck out and walked out of dinner, basically giving the finger to the entire table. The thing about that dinner was that it was Quizzno's, I had bought the dinner for the entire family with my own money and not only did my sister not eat anything with us, she went out with her "friend" (almost boyfriend) right before it, knowing full well we were eating dinner when she got home. So she basically sat there and talked AT our dinner, eating absolutely nothing and doing nothing but giving me shit.
And my father seemed to be on her side. He's been very harsh with me lately, snapping at me for very little and telling me I'm too angry lately. This is told to me with a beet red face through clenched teeth. I want to reach over and laugh in his face each time he does it because of the level of hipocrisy there is in angrily yelling at someone for being angry, but I fear he'd really get pissed and I'd have to start complaining about my black eye instead.
Whatever is going on with me, I'd just wish it would fucking stop. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's because I'm trying to stop all my vices at once (you put down booze and butts at the same time and tell me how you feel about it) or maybe I'm just tired of sitting there while people yell at me all day or tell me what to do and when I voice my opinion, people get angry about it and I'm also tired of being shut up when I complain. That's probably it.
Leave me the fuck alone and just let me complain already.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
