2002-01-10 - 6:15 p.m.

***

Get away, get away...

Today I got so angry at myself for getting angry at the little things that I stopped moving for 3 minutes. I was all pissed I had to make boxes for files that I wanted to piss on the entire room to show how angry I was and the radio saved me.

I heard the Ramones covering Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world".

It was so beautiful, me there alone in this barren room with these awful lights on, the door closed, cut off from all reality and that song came on.

I actually dropped the box I was making and sat on the floor with my head to the ceiling and smiled for a whole 3 minutes without saying anything or moving or anything. It was as damn close to a religious experience as I think I'll ever come, seeing as Joey is dead.

I really hate the office life and it is evil in every shape and form, and this moment of clarity let me see that today, as I found myself trapped in that room when the magic was gone. Not trapped as in I couldn't open the door to get out, but trapped in once I did get out, I had no where to go. I was stuck in this office all day and I will be stuck there all winter long, until school sucks me back into its grasp and then I get stuck there.

When I get out of school, some office or something will grab me again and I'll be trapped in THAT job. And if I leave that job, another will take its place.

Unless I get a bestseller book or something. Then I'm set for a while and maybe I can take a year off or something and just go fishing and get away.

Shpunt said something to me and I don't think he realized the power of the words at the time. He was just like "I can't wait till I just go fishing" and I turned to him and I was like "you go fisihing all the time" and he just kind of said something like"nonono, till I JUST go fishing."

You god damn right.

BMC

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