2001-09-18 - 11:44 p.m.
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Thanks mang
I felt I didn't do anything real productive with the last entry.
So I'm writing again. My oldschool Diaryland addiction, when I would write like 3 times a day, is coming back in force.
There is hardly a time where you are told so bluntly by so many people what kind of a person you are in a 24 hour period, either for good or for bad. I generally don't like to do this; I'd much rather tell you to your face you're an asshole or praise you too, but I find people don't generally see it as common to tell you good things about yourself a lot.
So when I get a lot of criticism off of this diary, either for good or for bad, I like to address it, for better or worse.
Thankfully, I am not fending for my life from rabidly angry N*SYNC fans. This time, though, I would like to thank anyone in the past day that has complimented me in any way shape or form.
Not many people know this and I really didn't know it about myself until I really sat down and thought about it, but I am really the worst critic I have and I feel very lightly about my own abilities and personality. I can take a joke when one is made, but I really get fucked up with constant badgering and all sorts of shit if I feel it stepped over shithead boundaries. Last year, we called 503 "50 Your Mom" because we used the phrase "your mom" like most people use periods for punctuation (not menstruation, for all those concerned). After a while, I kind of almost got insulted by a lot of it, because you couldn't even open your mouth without your mom being involved with your words. And I damn near exploded mulitiple times, and if it weren't for outlets such as my poetry, music and this, I think there would have been body bags coming out of 503. I can think of at least 2 of them.
ALthough, some of those jokes were funny as all hell, Cooke. I just can't always take a joke. You're still funny as fuck.
And ( to finally stop digressing, which I do alot in every single entry ) I really wanted to again thank everyone who has at least made me smile a 100% authentic smile for the first time since...well a long time. (not to say that I fake being happy, I am happy all the time for what I have. But I do get hung up on things that stupidly prevent me from enjoying the moment.)
I don't feel a need to make up a roll call. Almost anyone I talked to today or IM'd today can claim responsibility for my smile. You all get a piece.
Especially Rachel, because the first thing she said to me since I last saw her was that my diary helped her get through last week, and anytime I do something good and not even know it, it makes me happy.
This isn't a pat on the back for myself, nor is it the "Feel sorry" entry. I don't feel sorry. I don't even feel bad for myself at all. It's just that I don't think too highly of myself all the time and when I finally do through making people's day that much better regardless of distance and longing, I feel a need to thank them for being able to help them.
It sounds fucking ridiculous. I'm fucking ridiculous, so it works out.
I got my radio show tonight; Thursdays from 2 - 3 PM. The MF'n Belmo Hour. This fucking town won't know what hit them ( not due to me, but becasue they don't fucking listen to college radio here. No one does here. ) If your radio can pick up any station in Clinton county, I'm on 93.9 the Quake (as in what the fucking hell why is this station called the... ) Listen as I babble much like I am here, without point or any sort of entertainment.
So yeah, a lot has happened today, but it kind of briefly got overshadowed by my hoodie. It's probably a bad thing where the highlight of your day activities wise was getting the mail. This fucking hole will be the death of me.
12:09 comes blaring out of my radio clock and smacks my eyeballs around like a punk bitch. I know that in about 9 hours, that thing will be screaming like a motherfucker trying to get my ass out of bed. Fuck you alarm clock.
I think a wise man said it best when he said "STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN!"
Yeah.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
