2003-05-25 - 11:10 a.m.
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Saturday Morning Cartoons
So I open up Yahoo! to check my mail and I notice that a boat that came back into Miami from a cruise had an explosion on it, killing 4 people and injuring a bunch of other people. Now, as tragic as that is, I thought it hit closer to home than that. Shpunt from P-burgh was coming home either today or yesterday, I didn't know which, from a cruise to Mexico.
Through Miami.
So I flipped the fuck out and called and he's fine and kind of laughing about the fact that he missed a bunch of shit as far as explosions go. His only complaint: As soon as you get to Mexico, all you smell is shit.
But I smell more shit than Mexico here. This is exactly what we don't want happening. My first thought was "Oh great, a terrorist...." and I caught myself because, in all honesty, just because there is an explosion doesn't mean a terrorist did it. Shit, we even had that silly color coded thing up to aqua or teal or fucking marroon or whatever color means "Sort of shit your pants, but not completely because MAYBE something will happen. Oh fuck it shit your pants."
And about that. As much terror as those colors are supposed to raise...
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oh yeah, you heard me. Terror. We're not just being terrorized by terrorists from afar. Your own country terrorizes you every single day. I'm not talking about conspiracy theories or anything like that. IT's right in frontof you. The fact that we have a terror level alone is the best signal. When would George Washington ever speak of "I don't know where, I don't know when, but one day..." kind of horsecrap? When would Abraham Lincoln say "We're at Yellow today. Tomorrow, we may be at orange. One day, we may be at red"? It didn't happen. Shit, FDR was president when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. He said a bunch of shit to pump the country up, including accepting nothing but unconditional surrender, a term that is still applied today (which just means we'll look really really really hard for Osama...oh shit, we can't find him.....ok let's bomb Iraq) and still holds it's power sort of. He never tried to scare the American people into thinking "in every town there may be spies. the enemy is in every city you live in." The people were too busy making Japanese concentration camps to hear it anyway.
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colors are fucking stupid to explain how you feel. Oh I feel Yellow Safe. I feel Orange Safe today. Ooooooo it's a dangerous day today, I feel Red Safe today. THEY'RE FUCKING COLORS! Even in kindergarden, colors didn't mean much. I colored a horse green once. I still have it somewhere in the house. A FUCKING GREEN HORSE! Does that mean his terror level is low? NO! It just means I don't know what color horses are. Colors don't mean anything but colors.
And the terms to go with them. Medium threat. High Threat. Elevated Threat. ELEVATED? WHAT THE SHIT!??!?! ARE YOU HOLDING THE THREAT OVER YOUR FUCKING HEAD?!?!? They're words that are vague and remove you from reality. They should replace those terms with the following:
- LOW (GREEN) - No one hates you yet, or if they do, they don't hate you enough to want to strap explosives to things and make people die. No need to crap or vomit all over yourself in terror.
- GUARDED (BLUE) - One guy in Iran is displeased with America and voiced his opinion. While this is no real threat to the "Invincible American Army Machine", wetting pants is in order becasue someone doesn't like us taking all their resources and selling them back McDonalds and N*Sync albums.
- ELEVATED (YELLOW) - Oh fucking no. Now is the time to whip out the shit in your pants. People HATE us! How can people hate us? We're like everyone's best friend! I bet it was that bitch in the cafeteria in the UN building talking shit because we stole their boyfriend. Either way, you can start shitting, but don't vomit on yourself. Let's just get catty instead.
- HIGH (ORANGE) - Bring out the heavy shit in pants and spit up your lunch on your ties. Any minute now, one day, sometime in the future, possibly, there MAY or MAY NOT MAybe be, at one time, somewhere down the line, in some place in some town somewhere, the possibility of someone beginning to plan to attack us. Maybe. Don't ask questions as to WHY it's at the orange level. Just begin bowel movements.
- SEVERE (RED) - If you haven't shit or vomitted yourself yet, I suggest eating spicy food and taking syrup of ipecac; that way, you'll have explosive diahrrea and vomitting at once. Seriously, we really fucked up this time. You know all that money we have and shit? Yeah, well we didn't tell you but we had to steal, kill, murder, plot against, scheme and brutally destroy so many countries to get that, much like Imperialism. We just called it Business, but it seemed to be working. Well, it did, until the people we horribly mistreated got sick and tired with it and now your favorite tourist trap is going to fall to the ground. Sorry, our bad. Anyway, let's get to the shitting and get this place smelling like Mexico. There's a jihad coming!
I'll just have you know that when I looked up these colors online, Orange looked almost exactly like Yellow. That's disturbing.
Now, as Un-American as I appear to be right now, let me just say in my defense that you can talk all the shit about your country when it's in the wrong. At least in this country. Shit, that's one of the things we're fighting for. And to make me shut up because it's Un-American is fucking Un-American, asshole. It's like taking money out of one pocket and putting it into the other. You're against what I stand for, so I'll go against what I stand for and shut you up. We're slowly trading in our freedom in the search for freedom, don't you realize yet? Don't you see? I went to the city the other day and in the course of driving to 96th street, we took the triboro bridge and there were at least 3 or 4 groups of cops stopping trucks. For your safety. But it's policing. It's fucking police today. Tomorrow, the National Guard is fucking coming. And after that, after we totally give up on all sorts of even bending the rules, instead of giving the face that they really care about your rights instead of just your money, they won't even have to ask to put out the National Guard, even after we go all the way back to Blue. Don't you see that we're through the looking glass already? They don't even have to try; you'll let them do it.
This is why the terrorists of the world that are against us must be laughing their asses off. We get scared every day, something they want. They want us confused, they want us paranoid, they want us up at night, wondering when and where it will come next. Shit, they don't even have to do anything. All they have to do is get on the radio or TV and say "JIHAD! JIHAD! STRIKE THE AMERICAN DEVILS FOR ALLAH!" and fucking do nothing and it will cost us millions upon millions of OUR money to pay for extra guards and planes flying over head and fucking helicopters and bomb sniffing dogs and National Guard and extra security methods in airlines and train stations. That's it. They don't HAVE to bomb anything, they don't HAVE to do a goddamn thing. CNN must look like Saturday morning cartoons or fucking Saturday Night Live to them. Some big earred, crackbaby looking ex-cokehead drunk running around, spitting God talk like he's Reverend Bush, pounding on podiums like there was an alter behind him, saying shit like "We will find you criminals at any length." Dude, Elmer Fudd, Daffy Duck AND Yosemite Sam all tried to get someone who hid underground, changed the way he dressed, made them shoot themselves with their own weapons and still was never caught. His name is fucking Bugs Bunny, Sammy.
I'm just waiting for Bush to go "OOOOOOOOOOOOOO I hate tha varmints!"
BMC
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I rarely ever append to diary entries, but this one needs it. The US "Lawmakers", according to the AP, said that Iran's rulers should be removed.
"The trick in Iran is this: The good guys are trying to bring some reform; the bad guys control the levers of power. Sorting the two apart and then isolating the bad guys and taking the levers of power away from them is what's got to happen," said Goss, R-Fla., on CBS' "Face the Nation."
I just cut and pasted that from Yahoo!. Word for word. GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS!?!?! Are we fucking 5?!?!?! "These meanies are doing this and that and I don't like so pbbbbbbbbt". This is ludicrous. Woah, here comes some more cutting and pasting!
On CNN's "Late Edition," Sen. Jay Rockefeller, vice chairman of that committee, said to expect good news soon from Iran, and that it would be "very foolhardy" to try to destabilize Tehran in expectation of a surge in pro-Americanism. "I think we have to be a little bit cautious about ... tossing out that term `destabilize,' `take over,'" Rockefeller said. "We're getting to think that way too much because of � after Afghanistan and Iraq."
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?!? THERE'S A REASON YOU CALL IT TAKING OVER!!!!! WE FUCKING TOOK OVER AFGHANISTAN AND IRAQ AND NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE OVER IRAN! You can't not call something something when it is that something. It's not like if I was hitting someone in the face and the person said "stop hitting me in the face" and I said "Oh, well, I don't want to call it that because it sounds bad" then that means I'm tickling them. IT STILL MEANS I'M HITTING THEM IN THE FACE!
I swear to god, Bush must think he's playing fucking Risk or something. He's like a Hitler who doesn't have some full scale extinction of ONLY one race in mind. Yes, I'm very well aware of the worldwide cliche of calling Bush a Hitler, as well as the irony that his father's term dubbed Saddam Hussein the same thing, but fuck it man, he really fucking is. If Hitler isn't enough or is too much, then he's a fucking Napolean. He's short enough for the fucking job. Seriously, we piss off these people and wonder why we get attacked overseas, why people burn our flags and effegies of our president, why anti-American sentiment exists all around the world, why half of Europe doesn't even want to listen to "the last Superpower left". WHO THE FUCK CARES IF WE'RE A SUPERPOWER ANYMORE! That term was a term created in Cold War times, to basically make it look like it was us versus communism - and to give communism a face, we made it the Soviet Union. China is communist as well, so is Cuba, but they were just pieces of the Soviet rule, they were pawns for the Soviet Superpower. Now, the Soviet Union is fucking Russia and a bucket full of countries that have dipped into poverty. Countries where the governments have slipped into corruption because that's the only way someone there can make a living anymore.
I'm beginning to wonder what Bush has up his sleeve. 2004 is coming around really fucking fast and I hope this warmongering isn't to impress enough people to do what his dad couldn't: come back 4 more. If this is all some twisted form of a Bush family pissing contest, I'm not impressed. Dubya, you're not impressing me and I'm probably not the only one. What am I going to do for a job? I haven't been able to find shit open, even coffee runner in a newspaper. I haven't found anything because we're in big troubles here and you're busy creating tax cut bills and whatnot so that your war plans will fit into the budget. You're campaigning wars no one ever asked you to campaign. Those nuclear weapons weren't there, we haven't found them. You said in your campaigning debates as a governor of the most fucked up state in the country that you wouldn't do such a thing as you are doing. The Daily Show ran a special on it where they made you debate the old you and the new you as a joke. I know you watch TV at least a little. I know you have people watching TV for you to find out what people are saying. I'm sure you have people reading the newspaper and everything. Maybe someone in DC is reading this. If they are, read this. I hope you get everything coming to you, George W. Bush. If this whole thing goes kersplatt or if someone beats you, I will not cry. I will not mourn your death if you die, I will not feel sorry for you if you get impeached, I will not feel anything whatsoever because you thought this was a good idea. Because you crusaded in the name of GOD and made this so, as if your god was better than their god. The King of Kings vs. Allah. That's a fucking Jihad motherfucker and those don't end until the other side can't even move. You've marched us as a country into a future full of terror, full of hatred, full of paranoia, full of scares and threats and attacks and now we'll forever soak in it. You've opened up that Pandora's box yourself and now look what happened. Don't give me that 9-11 bullshit. I know what happened and I've seen what happened and it was fucking awful. You just made it that much worse and for you to go whipping through the deserts and valleys of the Middle East because you don't like someone's leadership pisses all over every single body in that rubble, every casulty on those planes, rapes every drop of innocence in those bodies. We lost 3000+ that day and to answer it, you proposed we lose more in the name of God. You sicken me more than words themselves and if you come back next term, I'll still curse you for 4 more years and beyond, till my body lies dead in the ground. May someone find this and show it to you so that you know my name and my opinion of you.
My name is Michael Belmonte and I'm tired of your tyranny.
Put that in your crackpipe and smoke it, you old bag.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
