2002-06-26 - 10:30 a.m.
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All the ladies in the house go....away
So, it appears the female sex has declared war on me. This can be the only explanation.
The other night, I was drinking at a bar (which I do from time to time. Well, ok all the time) and I was talking to this kid Matt who was in one of my classes 2 semesters ago. This girl kept looking over and smiling and then the whole table she was with would giggle and whatever. Do "we're silly girls" things. Matt picks up on this and he's like "what the hell is going on? Maybe that girl wants you, maybe she's got some smiling disorder..." which I would have gladly had accepted over the truth.
We'll get to the truth in a while.
So, she gets up, and she sits down right in between me and Matt. She said her name was Jenn (which could or could not be true) and that she was watching me for a while and decided to take a chance.
And I'm like "A chance of what?"
I'm not much of a shoot the shit person when it comes to dating. That could have come off really slick or really "DOOOOOY, what are girls?".
So she smiles and says "A chance to leave here with you."
So Matt "HAS TO GO THE BATHROOM" and we start talking for a few minutes and whatever. She REALLLLLLLY seems interested in getting alone and after like 25-30 minutes, I ask if she wants to leave, either to go to another bar or come back with me because I have beers back at my place.
I'm never like this. I don't ask people to come home with me because honestly, if it was a one night stand gone wrong or if things picked up a bit and it went to shit, that's another person who could potentially come kill me while I sleep or egg my place or something. Paranoia has kept me alive and sort of well so far, but I decided to let it slide this time.
Anywho.
She says she'd love to.
So how is this warfare? Here's where the bomb drops...
She then stands up to leave and as I stand up she says "Oh I almost forgot, I already have a boyfriend." Then gives a hearty "Go fuck yourself" smile and wiggles over to her cackling friends, as her boyfriend comes back over with two drinks and smiles.
I've been stung in times of sexual or emotional drought. It sucked.
Then, I'm walking to class the next day and it starts raining and shit and I throw on a hoodie (cause that's what I do when it rains). I was wearing jeans and shit and I looked like it was winter, I'm sure, but it's raining so I don't care. Some girl is driving by in a car full of her friends and yells out the window "You're retarded" and flips me off as the whole car erupts into laughter.
I know, it's trivial. But shit, after getting your head dashed across a bar floor because someone felt like playing a little mindfuck with you makes taps feel like thuds.
Add to this that I seem to be undateable at the moment (because anytime anything close to dating happens, they run) and all the sudden I realize that I'm a sucker and women know that with some form of Estrogen-induced telepathy or something.
Forget a "Kick Me" sign on my back. This sign must say "Beat the living shit out of me".
So, I declare a Cold War on all women. No actual punching (because after all, unless a woman kicks you in the balls, you're not allowed to hit them and even then it's got to be a kick designed to castrate) but you're all on my shit list. All of you. Here's a shitlist test: look down the next time you pee. If the ground looks closer because you are sitting, then you're on my shit list.
If you're a guy, shame on you. Peeing while standing is a powerful tool.
I'm sure this sounds all irrational and sounds like I'm on the road to being gay or a priest, but since neither guys or little boys turn me on, I'm sure I'll just be straight and irrational. I don't care. DATING is irrational. Putting yourself out there for any form of human contact is irrational. There has been nothing from love but heartache and misery, even when it's a good time in love, even when things go right. I've fallen so hard and fast for some people that I see no need to get back up. NO need to pick myself up, dust off, keep looking only to fall again. I'm done falling, now you all can go fuck yourself.
I'm sure some women will say "yeah well men are bastards" yeah , well men ARE bastards, and I'm one of them. I'm one big fucking bastard right now and I don't want anything to do with any of you, which for probably close to if not all of you makes you happy, seeing the current trends I'm noticing.
Does this mean that I won't talk to any woman now ever? Fuck no, because more than half the population is women. That's like not talking to half the people you talk to on a daily basis becasue they don't have balls. But, when it comes down to serious relationships and whatnot, dating or what have you, I quit. I'm throwing up a temporary fucking wall Israel style. I refuse to be suicide bombed too, only instead of itty bitty pieces I'm getting blown into depression and torment.
I'm sure if I haven't offended anyone by now, that last little section of this tirade did the trick.
How long is this Cold War going to last? Will I bump into some woman on the street someday and be like "Fuck this wall" anytime soon? Not motherfucking likely, but it can happen.
But shit, she better be fucking Wonder Woman or something because at this point, regular strength women are just not curing my heartache.
Is it my fault maybe that this is all happening? Am I defunct as a dateable person? I answer proudly no. Shit, it's not my fault someone wanted to come shit on me in front of thier friends. But other times, did I drive people away? Possibly, but then again, at this point, I have no time for puppy dog love or even the other extreme: the playa' lifestyle. I'm tired of games. I'm tired of tricks. I'm tired of doing things to get what I/you want. This is not love. This is fear parading around as sexuality and attractiveness. It's a fucking show. I'm tired of watching shows.
I want real life for once.
BMC
What did you just say? - What's he gonna say next?
